Save Me From Myself

Chapter 9

Rose's POV

"Rose I need you to tell me what is going on with you. No more silence Rose, it's time for you to talk now okay?" Benjamin was talking at me again.

I haven't said a word since last night, not out loud anyways, I'm just trying to process everything. Benjamin had just finished cleaning up our breakfast dishes, well his, I hadn't had a bite but it's close to noon now and I still don't know what to say. I feel so weighed down right now, like the whole world is sitting on top of me gently adding more and more pressure waiting for me to be unable to draw any further breaths and just finally pass away.

Benjamin's pleading had been going on since we woke up. We awoke in each others arms this morning still in the same position we had fallen asleep. It confused me, because why would he want to be so close to me after witnessing that? My mind was too dark and cloudy to open my mouth then and he seemed to understand that I couldn't find words. We had just laid in the bed staring at each other for nearly an hour after we woke up. Benjamin and I took turns having a shower and that's when he asked me again how I was feeling, what was going through my mind, really just looking for any sign of acknowledgment. He gave up when I didn't speak then and now here we are having a bit of a stare off.

"Rose, please talk to me, I care for you Rose I just want to help you."

I closed my eyes, took a deep inhale and held my breath until I could find something to say.

"Why do you care for me Benjamin?" It was barely a whisper and as I opened my eyes to look at him a tear escaped and ran down my cheek.  I don't understand how someone could care for me after seeing all the things Benjamin had seen this week. I gave him no reason to.

His expression changed from concerned, it seemed as if for a moment his eyes showed understanding in my pain all of the sudden. His whole demeaner has shifted and it was possible he looked nearly as broken down as me.

"Rose, why wouldn't I care for you?" His hand gently caressed my face while his thumb swiped away a tear. "I'm guessing you can't see it can you? You can't see how truly wonderful you are even with your darkness." He sounded sad, and with the words I was hearing I still don't understand why he cares about a silly girl like me.

"Rose when I first met you in my class you always put a smile on my face with your thoughtful insight, or random comments. I was always comforted with the knowledge that I would get to see you, you had always provided some amount of ease to my teaching day. Then at the beginning of this week I saw a side to you I didn't understand, when you came drunk to my class, there was clearly something else trying to stay hidden in your personality, something I could tell about you that you didn't want on display. I asked to speak to you after class not because I was mad, but because I was curious, and in talking to you I wanted to know you more, but it wasn't my place. Rose I couldn't get you out of my head after that encounter, hence why I showed up after you missed class two days in a row. Hence why I came to check on you last night, and god Rose I'm so glad I did! Can't you see I care for you because I'm enchanted by you. You aren't some shell of a person that has nothing inside, you are someone with rooms to get to know and love. Rose I care for you because I can see myself completely falling for you, and I apologize if my innate need to take care of you has come on a little strong but I can see myself giving the world to you just for the chance to see life fill your eyes."

I was rendered speechless, the only thing I could do was stare into those blue eyes and search for answers. He can't possibly mean all that can he? Me? He can see himself falling for me?

A minute passes in the same exact position, frozen in the moment before I can open my mouth.

"Do you mean it?" Was all I could manage to say still in disbelief.