ALEX | a. hotchner (sequel to BLAKE)

14

"Alex, I need you to talk to me."

I was sitting under the covers on the bed and Aaron was standing at the end of it, arms crossed over his chest with a gentle expression on his face.

"I can't," I whispered, avoiding his gaze.

He walked up to me, squatted beside the bed and took my hand in his.

"I want to help you," he said quietly.

"Are you still going to marry her?" I asked, swallowing more tears.

"Yes."

"Then you can't help me."

He sighed, "why shouldn't I marry her?" His voice was gentle, like one shift in tone would break the calmness, "give me one good reason."

"I could give you a hundred," I breathed.

"Just one."

I knew that, no matter what I said, he was probably going to marry her anyway. But that word, probably, it meant there was hope, just a tiny, tiny, flicker of hope. So I have to step up right now, or lose him forever.

"Because I love you," I looked into his eyes and I exposed my soul to him, "I know I screwed up, but if you choose me now, I swear I will never let you go."

He looked down on the floor, took a deep breath and then tilted his head at me.

"I'm sorry, but that's not good enough," he rubs my hand gently, face now stone cold, "you will never be good enough, and I will never choose you."

My face was numb and I was crying. I could see his eyes glazing over, he didn't know what to do. He's bored now. I can almost hear his thoughts, 'Here goes psycho Alex, again'. The stroking continues, so I rip his hand off of me. I scream, a desperate and primal scream.

"Help me. Help me. Help me."

No one came.

I woke up in cold sweat, my heart in my throat as the entire night played back in my head. I had fallen asleep. Aaron had brought me back to my room, said we would talk in the morning, and I had fallen asleep. I rubbed my eyes and took a moment to get my breathing back to normal. I stared up at the ceiling, brows furrowed as I thought about never getting to be close to Aaron again.

I sighed and got out of bed, brushed my teeth and washed my face. My go-bag was already packed and I had just finished tying my shoes when there was a knock at the door. Aaron was standing on the other side, a gentleness in his eyes. It reminded me of my dream and if I was alone, I would have cried.

"We're leaving," he stated.

I nodded and went to grab my bag. He took a step into the room and closed the door behind him.

"What's going on with you?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

Damn, he looks so hot when he does that.

"Nothing's going on with me," I said and tried to walk past him.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back, his breath heating up my face.

"I think you are stuck, Alex," he said, "you live with all this guilt and you need to find a way to move on, for everyone's sake."

"You know what?" I snapped, "don't profile me, Aaron!"

That shut him up. The feeling of missing him was quickly replaced with irritation. He let go of my arm and then followed me out of the room. The rest of the team was waiting for us in the lobby, Derek was quick to put his arm around me.