ALEX | a. hotchner (sequel to BLAKE)

5

"I was right here, just a couple of hours ago," I said. Dave and Aaron had taken me with them to take a look at the crime scene, it was right outside the apartment building. "I must have missed them with, what? Twenty minutes?" I sighed. I should've just stayed in the apartment, I could've heard the gunshot and I could've caught him or I could've.. done something.

"You didn't know," Dave looked at me with those gentle eyes, and it bothered me.

"That's the thing," I breathed. "I didn't know, I thought she was in the apartment when I left, why didn't I know?"

"I don't think we're going to get much from here," Aaron interrupted and stood up from the pool of blood on the ground, Penelope's blood. "We should head back to the hospital and see if Morgan's gotten anything out of Garcia."

We walked to the car and I chose the seat in the back, putting as much distance between Aaron and myself, it felt safest that way. He was always the one I turned  to when something bad happened, and I didn't have that privilege anymore. I couldn't risk falling victim to my emotions and seek him out, making him give me special treatment, because I wasn't special, not anymore.

"Hey, kid," I snapped out of my thoughts and met Dave's eyes in the rearview mirror. "You okay? You didn't answer my question."

"Oh, sorry, yeah, I just kind of zoned out, I guess," I blinked a few times to refocus. "What was your question?"

"Did you start playing the piano?" He asked, still looking at me through the mirror.

"What?" I raised my eyebrows.

"You've started drumming your fingers in a certain pattern when you're thinking," he continued. I looked down at my fingers, I hadn't even noticed I'd started drumming them against my thigh.

I sighed and gave him a glare, "fucking profilers," I muttered. "I played the piano when I was younger, I picked it up again when I came to London," I explained. And that's when it all started; the knuckle cracking, the drumming of the fingers, the feeling of not being able to breathe. I left that part out though.

***

"Alex, do you want to come with me and search for fluffier pillows for Garcia?" Spencer asked as soon as we stepped into the waiting room.

I wanted to see Penelope, although just thinking about it made my heart pound harder against my chest, and not in a good, excited kind of way. I wanted to know what happened, and if she was okay, but how was I supposed to face her? When everyone's life journeys separated from my own, when the only heart left beating in the house was mine, she was the one who took me in. And I couldn't even protect her.

Spencer gave me that smile that's almost impossible to say no to. He still has that little sparkle in his eyes, and I admire him for it. After all he's been through, he still remains the same sweet, innocent soul.

"Why? The ones she has aren't good enough?" I asked.

"No, of course not!" He exclaimed. "They are too hard, and don't support her underneath the lumbar region and therefore will cause more pressure on her back."

"Right, forget I asked," I rolled my eyes. "Where are they?" I asked as I pressed the button for the elevator.

"The basement."

"The basement?!" I turned to him and raised my eyebrows. "You do know this is how all horror movies start, right?"

"Well, the pretty one always dies first, so you have absolutely nothing to worry about," he smirked.

"Asshole," I muttered.

I followed him into the elevator, and the doors closed and started to move downwards.