ALEX | a. hotchner (sequel to BLAKE)

15

"Go away," I managed to say before the last drops of wine were flushed down the toilet.

I had barely eaten any pasta, and so there wasn't anything left to come back up. I sat down against the wall and put my head in my hands. 

What a fucking mess. 

The knocking continued as Beth begged me to open the door.

"I'm coming in," the door handle rattled before the room was flooded with light. I hadn't even realized I'd forgotten to turn on the lamp.

Beth crouched down beside me, one hand on my knee, and that's when I could smell it. The lavender. It was as if the scent had entered my blood and was poisoning my body. I pushed her out of my way and took another turn down the toilet. I dry heaved as there wasn't anything left down there.

"I'll get her some water," I heard her whisper before I was left alone with Aaron.

I could feel his eyes on me, I was so aware of him it was ridiculous. Aaron quickly searched through all the cabinets in the bathroom. Finally finding what he was looking for, he carefully pulled my hair from my face and put it up with a hair tie. Why Dave kept those in his bathroom, I didn't want to think about.

"Let's get you home," he said quietly, "can you stand?"

He grabbed my arm with one hand and put the other on my waist. I flinched away from him, pulling my arm out of his grip. My senses were overloaded, all I could smell was that damn lavender. I gagged at the thought of what they must have done to smell exactly the same.

Only when I felt Aaron's hands gently rest on my shoulders did I realize that I was shaking. The room spun as I tried to make everything slow. I felt like a child again, shaking, terrified. The constricted feelings grew, as if I was strangled by just the air around me.

"Deep breaths," he whispered in my ear, "it won't stop unless you breathe."

You don't get to be the one to calm me down, I thought furiously. But my body betrayed me and I could feel the pounding in my head getting fainter and fainter until I couldn't feel it at all. I grabbed a fistfull of his dress shirt as he held me by my shoulders, holding on like he was the only thing keeping me grounded.

"It's alright, you're okay," he ran his hand through my hair and then down my back, it was chilling how soothing it was.

I breathed together with him, matched my shaky breaths with his steady ones. That's what love can do, I guess; fix souls, fix brains, cure us all. However, I didn't want him to fix me, I was already dying. I was only one blow away from breaking, so I knew what I had to do, it was familiar in a way that was traumatic. I swallowed down the pain, ate it up and replaced it with anger, putting on a passive face. I knew where this was headed, and it was nowhere good.

"I don't need your help, Aaron," I snapped, "I'm fine."

He rolled his eyes, "clearly."

I wiggled my way out of his grip and glared at him as I stood up to walk away. I rushed out of the bathroom, ignoring Beth who was coming out of the kitchen with a glass of water in her hand. I pushed the front door open and stalked out of the house.

"Alex, wait!" Aaron yelled after me, "let me at least drive you home."

"No!" I yelled back.

He ran to catch up to me and grabbed me by the wrist, swiftly turning me around and forcing me to face him.

"You can't just run away every time someone tries to help you," his eyebrows were furrowed and I could see the frustration in his eyes.

"Well, you don't get to just swoop in and save the day all the goddamn time," I said through gritted teeth.