ALEX | a. hotchner (sequel to BLAKE)

20

A/n: Sooo... there is some smut in here. However, it is not very detailed and it's more focused on the emotions rather than the physical stuff.  Please keep in mind that it's my first time writing anything like this, so it's probably not up to the standards you're used to, but bare with me, please!

I had been looking for an apartment ever since I handed in my resignation. I hadn't told Pen yet, and it became harder and harder to find the right moment. I found a small and nice apartment ten minutes from where I would be working starting next week. It wasn't too expensive, either, and my plan was to move out this weekend. But that meant telling Penelope, today.

It was Friday night and Pen was on her way out to meet Kevin. She was in a good mood, so it was as good of a time as any. I clicked through channels on the tv as I waited for her to come out of her room. And when she did, she looked absolutely beautiful with a purple dress on her body and hair in light waves.

I whistled at her, "damn, you look good."

"I know, right?" She smiled.

"When's Kevin picking you up?" I asked and turned the tv off.

"A few minutes," she answered and collected her things.

"Do you have time to talk?" I bit my lip and followed her with my eyes.

She frowned, "always, what's up?" She sat down beside me on the couch.

And when she sat in front of me, I realized I should have planned it better. I didn't know how to start so I got it all out as fast as possible, which was the worst thing I could have done.

"I decided to take the job that ViCAP offered me," I said quickly, "and I should probably move out because it's kind of a long drive and I think you and Kevin are going to move in together pretty soon, anyways."

She looked at me, and I knew it was too much too soon. I should have waited, or I should have told her sooner.

"What?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I've already found an apartment," I said slowly.

She breathed heavily, "is this a joke? Are you kidding me right now? Because it's not funny."

I shook my head, "I'm sorry, I know I should have told you sooner, but I didn't know how."

"So you just spring it on me like this?" She motioned with her hands between us and then sighed. "You suck, Alex, you completely suck," she pointed an accusing finger at me before standing up and grabbing her bag.

My breath hitched in my throat as I tried to decide if I was more angry or sad.

I frowned and then went after her, "hey! Don't just walk away."

"Why not?" She turned around and put her hands on her hips. "That's what you're doing."

"That's not fair," I spat. "I can't always do the right thing, okay? I can't always make the right decision, I'm not perfect!" I shook my head desperately. "Things can't always go the way you want, sometimes you just have to let go."

"Fine, then I'm letting you go now," she glared at me. "I'll be at Kevin's for a few days, take your time to pack," she opened the door and turned halfway towards me, "goodbye, Alex," she said and closed the door after her.

As soon as she was gone, I was on the floor, shaking. And while my face became moist, I thought about my decision to leave the team, and how I hadn't thought about it at all. I thought about everything I was giving up, and how quickly I'd do it for him. I never even stood a chance.

By the time I was conscious again it was dark outside. I had been laying on the floor for hours, and I wasn't sure if I was still breathing. I sat up slowly, wincing from the pain in my head. I groaned and crawled on my hands and knees to the bathroom, pretty sure I'd throw up if I stood.