the author speaks: i had huge trouble accessing videos of this episode, so this is entirely based on the summaries posted on the internet. i'm so sorry.
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mikki
i was disappointed in myself. i was the lead of the group dance and we had gotten second.
bottom of the pyramid for me, i thought gloomily. my performance just seemed to drop lower and lower. it was like my dancing was slipping. it had never dropped in my whole life. i was consistently at the top of my game or climbing up, and now that i had gotten second when i was the lead?
connor had called me last night and said that he was leaving.
pressley and i were still fighting.
thoughts like this chased each other around my head incessantly as i leaned into the car seat.
"mikki, dear?" mom said, turning around in her seat to face me as she pulled into the aldc parking lot.
"yeah?" i answered, trying to make my voice as bright as possible.
"are you sure you still want to do this?" she asked, a concerned half-smile on her face.
"i'm hanging in there," i grinned, which i hoped looked convincing.
"ok."
we climbed out of the car and walked into the dancer's den while mom went to talk to her other friends. brady came up and gave me a hug. i buried my face in his jacket.
"you ok?" he whispered. i shook my head and my face went hot. "it's ok. it's all going to be ok."
i reluctantly let go and gave him a smile. "i'm just worried."
"i know. but it's just a tv show, ok?" brady assured, putting his arm around my shoulder. he had to lean down very far because i'm short. just as my stomach began to knot into shapes, he said, "let's go."
i hadn't even registered abby's voice.
i didn't even pay attention to pyramid.
i barely registered the fact that i was in the middle of the second row.
connor was gone.
i had lost.
pressley and i were still fighting.
at this point, brady was the only thing i was staying for. and a chance to be noticed. it wasn't like i needed to be here to get good choreography. my old studio had great choreography too.
my mind was far away.
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"mikki," mom began, stroking my hair as an advertisements for elderly hearing aids blared on the television, "how have you been?"
"not good," i said honestly. and then i swallowed thickly. i had been thinking about it a lot. so much that my head ached some afternoons.
"i don't want to dance here."
there. i'd said it. i'd admitted it. i needed to get away. i needed to leave this drama filled place. i needed to leave everything.
but leaving the drama behind also means leaving brady. and i wasn't sure i was ready for that.
"are you sure?" mom asked, switching off the nasally newsreader on the screen.
"yeah."
"ok. i'll tell abby."
"she won't be happy though."
"i don't care and i don't think you should too. this environment, it's not good for you," mom sighed, giving me a hug, already pulling out her phone.
everyone needs a mom like mine.
someone who'll do anything for you, even if it upsets someone else.
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brady
mikki wasn't herself.
mikki wasn't ok.
mikki was slipping away.
mikki.
mikki.
every single damn thought in my mind was about mikki.
i shook my head.
stop it brady.
why is my skin crawling?
my phone buzzed. i checked it.
🍨🍦ice cream cult🍦🍨 mikki 🐁 has left this chat
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the author speaks: i'm sorry. i sort of had a mental dump and my motivation just collapsed. i was actually about to end this story when someone shot me a dm saying how much they liked the story. so for the sake of you guys, i'm going to try and finish this book.
