Worth the Shot - JENLISA collection

sunrise

Song: Sunrise by Mino

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L.

I feel cold. Numb, as I watched the sun rise from its slumber. But why do I feel as if it had lost its warmth?

Or was it because she's no longer in my arms?

We used to love watching the sunrise together. I wonder if she's looking at it right now. I wonder if she's thinking of me like I think of her. I wonder if she's still as hurt as I am.

"Lisa! Stop wasting your life!" Jisoo furiously takes away my beer one night when she visited me. My place is a mess. Just like I am.

"Give that back!" I stood up, but it only got me dizzy.

She sighs, "Lis, I know it's hard..." she crouches on the floor to level my eyes, but I couldn't stare at her when tears started building up in my eyes again.

I propped my elbows on my knees and buried my eyes on my wrists, "I-I'm trying," my voice cracked, and before I know it I'm a sobbing mess again.

"We're here for you," she reminds me, collecting me in her arms like she and Chaeng would usually do whenever they see me in this state.

It's dark, really dark but for the three months that Jennie and I have broken up, I've been used to it. It's my life without her. She's my everything. My sunrise. But now that she's gone, I was left in the dark. Cold and lost.

A month later, I still wasn't fine. I don't think I'll ever be. But I promised myself and my friends that I'll try, so at least now I can function well without breaking down every time I am reminded of her.

They're her friend too, and no matter how I try to ask how she's doing, they wouldn't tell me so I gave up on asking too. All I get is she's fine and nothing else, so I guess she's finally happy, much far from my current state. And oh, I overheard them one time saying she got promoted at work. She's always been a career first woman, so it's good that she rejected my wedding proposal and broke up with me. Yeah, good... good for her. And good that she got promoted, at least losing her benefited one of us.

"Are you sure? You don't have to go," Chaeng says in a tone filled with worry.

I put on my denim jacket and smiled at her and Jisoo through the mirror in front of me, "It's just a reunion. I'm perfectly fine."

I can sense how worried they are on our way to the venue but I just reassured them that I can manage. They're here with me, what can go wrong, right?

There's this tiny hope inside my chest that she'll come too, though. I know it's stupid, but I want to see her. I kept telling myself I've moved on, but my wounds are still fresh as if it was just yesterday when she left me.

On our way inside, I stopped on my tracks when I caught a glimpse of her. My heart raced faster that it started to hurt. Or maybe it just really hurt seeing her.

She's still so beautiful and she looked happy while talking to our former schoolmates.

"We can still back out," Jisoo whispers on my ear while Chaeng was already away, talking to some friends.

I turned to her and forced a smile, "No, it's okay."

When I turned to glance on Jennie's direction again, she's already talking to Harry. I slipped my hands inside my pockets to stop them from clenching. Harry used to hit on her a lot when we were in high school and by the looks of it, he's still into her.

It's not Jennie's fault that so many men just couldn't get a hint of rejection. But it was my fault that I couldn't understand it before. No wonder she left me. I was so selfish and jealous all the damn time. I would get tired of myself too.