Althea - The Dark Goddess

Just Be Me

"Alex, have you ever thought about the chances of finding your mate?"

We were just standing by our car in the parking lot, waiting for the classes to start. I tap my hands on my arms as they rest folded across my chest.

"I have never really given it much thought before." Alex leans back as he looks up to the blue sky. "If you ask me now, I haven't got a clue."

I sigh, following his movement, I too look up at the peaceful blue sky. "I wonder what it's like..."

"One day you too will find someone that's meant for you. You too will know then. One day." I feel his eyes on me, but I don't tear my gaze off the blueness that fills that space above.

"I doubt that..."

I don't believe that destiny has lost enough sanity to pair me with another life. I am dark. I am ungifted. An outsider amongst my own people. I was an outcast. I possibly cannot have the luxury of having my soul complete.

I scoff and shake my head, pushing the dark thoughts away. The thoughts that was once again starting to show itself.

"Here they come." I hear Alex murmur and stand straight to look at the couple that walks out of the Porsche. And there she was as beautiful as the day I first saw her, walking shyly behind Egan. Her petite body made her look timid, almost fragile. But there was this spark in those emerald eyes of hers even though they looked very nervous right now I could feel that there was something more to her.

"Hi, I'm Zoe." I extend my hands while my eyes scan her, analyses her movement, trying to sniff any little traces that could help me uncover the secret behind that solid defence of hers. "This idiot's cousin."

She chuckles lightly, and slowly comes out from behind him and extends her own hand reaching towards mine. "I'm Circe-" But I grab her hand and pull her forward. I was a bit rude, but I was never known to be patient.

"You are...?" But no matter what I couldn't go past the wall that she built. She was stronger than what she led to be. "Zoe, you are being rude." Egan snaps at me and tears my hand of Circes as he pulls her to himself, not appreciating my disrespectful behaviour towards his mate.

"It's fine Egan. I never meant to hide forever anyways." She looks back at me with a smile now, confident and proud. "Hi, I'm Circe. Circe McNaught and I'm a part wolf."

But that doesn't explain anything about her iron defence. I needed to know more but before I could ask anything else, a glare from Egan shuts me off. For a second, I just stare at her then eventually give up and smile. At least she wasn't trying to pretend.

"Welcome to the family then, Circe."

"Alex." Alex calls out from beside me, waving his hand slightly at her. She nods back at him and takes a step behind Egan again so half of her was shielded from us. I chuckle at her odd behaviour, where did the confident girl just disappear? So, I just turn around and head towards the building just as the bell rings.

I suppose all of Circe's classes has already been switched so she could be with us, or him, to be precise. As usual we take our seat in the front middle row with Circe in between me and Egan. Adding Circe to our group only attracted more attention to us, I suppose. The entire class seemed keen to know about how Circe had made it our circle, their assumptions whispers filled the room, but we were all well used to this. Especially me. To those loud whispers.

"How long have you been around?" I mumble, staring straight ahead.

"Just over a year." She whispers back just as quietly.

"How do you even deal with this-this..." I sigh inaudibly, clearly having enough of this. Everything, the professors non-stop blunter, the human's judgemental looks and their equally nonsensical whispers in the air. This made me have second thoughts about my choices in life right now. Like did I even mind being caged in the middle of nowhere, locked away by the blue ocean.

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess, you just have to take your thoughts somewhere far away to survive this. But I haven't been very good at it myself thought." She literally breaths out the words, leaning towards me. And at that moment I knew that we are going to be best friends. I give a full-blown smile as I stare ahead, and soon soft gasps fill the room.

I immediately remove the smile off my face and replace it with my usual cold, hard look. Sighing, I mentally scold myself for being the reason of the now hushed voices.

The rest of the hour just drags by, making me wonder if someone was playing a prank and stopped not just the clock but the time itself. With every strike of the second hand of the clock, I tap my feet, impatient and bored out of my mind.

Although I understood the aspect of learning and the importance of education, having to re-educate myself on the topics of life that I have more knowledge than the human textbook ever could, was not very fun.

If I had a choice, I would much rather choose to duel on the open cliff by the ocean. Or run freely to wherever my feet took me to. At least I could get more out of that than just sitting in this room and letting my thoughts wonder to the choices that I have made in life so far. Which did not seem to be very thought of. Or wise.

Had I made a mistake in wanting to leave home? Was my heart now finally ready to give up after living these past weeks of continuous repeat of the previous day?

Well, I don't know. Yet.

My heart has a conscious of its own. When it wants to, it flutters like crazy and when it doesn't, it seems almost non-existence. Even making me doubt its presence or its lack of presence.

A week more.

I will give it a week more. I will either find a purpose to this life or end up back in my rather perfectly, not so perfect, boring fairy tale of a life. One where I was surrounded by the never-ending source of blueness and Lycans that only treated me so because of the title I inherited with my birth. But they don't know, I see beyond. I know beyond.

And since no one is to be blamed, I hold my silence.

Respect was not something I demanded out of anyone. I take what I get and if I don't, well in my case I don't, it is what it is. As my mother always says, 'you cannot be a ruler if you rule over others. Earn your place and when you get the respect that you rightfully earn, rule beside them not above them'.

But I never intended on earning anyone's respect or ruling beside anyone. I never wanted anyone to be in my favour or for anyone to crumble to their knees upon my presence, either be it respect or fear. So, I let them be. They treat me like I was ignorant. Thought me to be harmless given the fact that I never rebelled.

All I ever wanted in this eternity was to find a place for me...what my heart wanted- I-I just want to...

I don't know what I want. Maybe for once, I want someone to see me for me and not judge me. Maybe I'm just searching for the owner of those mysterious blue eyes that can even pierce through my darkest nightmares. Maybe I wanted more. Something to quench this thirsty heart of mine.

The bell finally decides that it was time to end this trail of thoughts that seems to take me nowhere but deeper into my thoughts. With a deep release of my pent-up frustration and all my thoughts, I get up and follow the crowd. Out of one misery, only to lead to another.

"Remind me again of why you ever decided in coming to this place, Egan?" I mutter as I walk past him.

"So I could finally meet my other half?" I know he had this big smile on his face which I so desperately wanted to rub off his face right away. "To be honest, it isn't so bad-"

I just let out a groan of disagreement which is soon followed by another that seems to agree with me. "I dare you to utter another word." I flash him my deadliest glare and he puts his hands up in surrender.

"Come Alex, it's just the two of us now. Someone seems to enjoy this form of torture a lot now that they found their other half." I see Circe's face turn bright red which makes one corner of my lip to curve up into a smirk, whilst Alex chuckles a little loud. I loop my arms around Alex' and drag him forward with me as we both start laughing, not caring about anyone else at that moment.

Because with them I could just be me. Just Zoe.

Even if it was just for a moment.