Obey me! X Reader

Scenario: What would make them become a stripper-

WHY AM I DOING THIS? I NEED JESUS- Oh, also, this is a shitpost-

Lucifer:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"Anything for Diavolo..."
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
"Belt."
Me: "What position?"
"Underneath Diavolo"
Me: "What are you?"
"Alone."
Stripper name: Dark Diamond

Mammon:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"Eh? Money of course!"
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
Mammon: "anything that's cheap"
Me: "What position?"
"In the cupboard hiding for Lucifer after I stole Diavolo's picture he had on his bedroom wall."
Me: "What are you?"
"A whore"
Stripper name: Dumb Fucker

Leviathan:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"The Ruri~Chan pillow I found on Akuzon for 100,000 grimm spoke to me."
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
"Ruri~Chan sticky notes do the trick just fine."
Me: "What's your position?"
"In the bed hugging my Ruri~Chan body pillow"
Me: "What are you?
"Depressed"
Stripper name: The Sexy Otaku

Satan:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"So I could buy all the cat books in the world."
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
"I don't take my clothes off"
Me: "What's your position?"
"Setting off fireworks near Lucifer"
Me: "What are you?"
"Triggered."
Stripper name: Pussy cat

Asmodeus

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"So I didn't go insane and try to fuck everybody"
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
"I just kinda let it hang low"
Me: "What's your position?"
"Yes"
Me: "What are you?"
"Sad"
Stripper name: Mother Fucker

Beelzebub:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"So I could get as many snacks as I wanted!"
Asmo, from far away: "YOU ARE A SNACC"
Me: "What do you wear to keep your pants up?"
"Hershey chocolate wrappers"
Me: "What's your position?"
"Uhhh... Eating?"
Me: "What are you?"
"Hungry"
Stripper name: Honey eater

Belphegor:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"Money to cover my funeral so Beel won't have to when I call an assassin on myself."
Me: "What do you use to keep your pants up?"
"Bed sheets so I can fall asleep whenever I want"
Me: "What's your position?"
"In bed with my face burried in the pillows practicing for when I'm buried so I can hold my breath"
Me: "What are you?"
"Tired of life"
Steipper name: *Says in Sid the Sloth voice* SID THE SLOTH

Diavolo:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"Lucifer, I have enough money beach."
Me: "What do you use to keep your pants up"
"I only dance for Lucifer and myself, If Lucifer, I don't wear anything, If myself, dolla dolla bills bitch"
Me: "What's your position?"
"Ontop of Lucifer."
Me: "What are you?"
"Delusional and rich."
Stripper name: Thor and his mighty hammer

Barbatos:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"For the sake of my own sanity"
Me: "What do you use to keep your pants up?"
"Bread dough"
Me: "What's your position?"
"In the kitchen"
Me: "What are you?"
"A lifeless, hollow shell of a once lively man."
Stripper name: THAT'S THE TEA SIS

Simeon:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"Uhh, So I could donate to all the poor kids in Africa?"
Me: "What do you use to keep your pants up?"
"I do anything that makes the most money, So I don't wear pants.
Me: "What's your position?"
"Serving our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen."
Me: "What are you?"
"An angel duh."
Stripper name: HOLY DADDY-

Solomon:

Me: "What enticed you to become a stripper?"
"More test subjects for my spells."
Me: "What do you do to keep your pants up?"
"They always dropped"
Me: "What's your position?"
"Well, Asmo is a regular, so mostly with Asmo."
Me: "What are you?"
"A pokemon trainer."
Stripper name: He's a magic man!

Luke:

Wow, you must be really sad, depressed and disgusting if you wanted him, but if you didn't, then heres a cookie and a free ticket to see whatever stripper you want to see free of charge!

Luke: "Yeet, what're you doing?"
"Nothing precious child"
Pats head
Now lets go cook some food.
Luke: Yay!