Change in Heart ▪ Enoch O'Connor

XVII.

In the middle of the night, Ash rushed awake, choking on her own breath. She rushed to push the heavy quilts off of her sweating body, taking shaky steps around the room. Emma had chosen to sleep in Bronwyn's room that night, for the benefit of the both of them.

"The lady had warned me!" Ash thought as she had her hair fisted in her hands. Her reoccurring nightmares with souls, the lady at the cliffs being the star of the show, had brought her back to the cliffs, this time with Victor. The soul lady had dragged Victor into the water with her this time, and Ash could hear his perishing cries for help.

She couldn't take it anymore. She didn't understand how Horace can wake and go on another day with vivid dreams and nightmares. Her feet carried her out of her room, to the bathroom, for her to splash her face in cool water.

How could she have not told anyone? What right did Ash have to let Victor leave? What right did Ash have to make Victor stay? She knew, but so did Enoch, so why didn't Enoch say anything? Who was to blame more than the other?

She gazed into the mirror as she heaved, ready to do away with last nights dinner. She looked a total mess; she wished she had makeup on, just to fuel her dramatics.

What were the others to think of her if they found that she knew he was leaving? She knew Emma would not be her friend anymore, and Bronwyn may tear her in half. Should she tell them?

She closed the door softly on her way out of the bathroom, then gazed down the stairs, wondering what Victor was feeling as he made his way down them one final time.

What a mess she would make if she told them. But then she would be eaten alive by guilt, and Enoch could only ever blackmail her whenever he felt. She can't leave this place, by fear of being killed by the unseen, but what if she left by her own doing? To end this suffering by her own hand, by her weapon of choice?

How she climbed herself to the roof was not known to her. It was out of a fit of deranged sadness and confusion, the wish to be separated from every living thing, away from the souls and anguish they hold.

Her brown hair blew in the whirring wind, the tears blowing down her cheeks. She felt like screaming, jumping, falling away from everything she knew. The souls were tormenting, they were haunting her every thought. She could not see the beauty past the pain of the dead, no matter what thought she put in her head. It was exhausting, and infuriating.

Why would God, with his all knowing and saving wisdom burden her with such a curse? Or perhaps had Satan himself rose above God Almighty to make her one of his banished minions? For a girl whose soul could burn brighter than the sun, she was covered by a darkened facade.

Her eyes scanned over the darkened horizon; the bodies, the souls, they multiplied with each change of direction. If anyone were to see her, her eyes filled with tears and hysteria, hair blowing out in a frizzed mess, they would send her to a mad house. But she wanted to be free, for her Achilles' heel would be these damned souls; they hold her heavenly wings down. She couldn't take the terror of her mind anymore. She had to see the repetition of souls dying, the dead making their way in a world they used to roam awake. To be like the lady on the cliffs, so full of wisdom and meaning, yet ready to let it all go. Ash wished for nothing more than for her own body to plunge deep into the darkened waters, her body drifting away with the seafoam. She wished she never was awakened onto this blasted earth, this terrorizing world. Her heart could only take so much, and it was all falling away that night. Nothing could stop it.

"Ashnar."

She whipped around, stumbling on crumbling rock from the roof and almost falling before an arm was wrapped around her waist and a hand gripped her trembling one. Through her wisps of hair and tears, she saw it was Enoch, holding her and pulling her from the edge of the roof. He eased her onto the ground, wrapping his arms around her as she fell into tears. She muttered incoherent words through her sobs.

At that moment, Enoch realized how bad she had it. She looked wild with fright and sadness, her body not refraining from shaking. Her pale skin was cold as though she were dead, mostly from the wind whipping around her. She could hardly catch a breath as he tried gently shushing her and rubbing her back, attempting to bring her composure back somewhat.

He could never see what she saw, but he knew when she was seeing. One minute, she could be happy, but a certain look in her eyes was telling enough. He had started noticing things about the girl, though he would never admit his intentions to anyone. He felt a soft flame being relit in his heart, one he kept trying to stamp out. But alas, it could not be diminished.

"Ash, I need you to look at me. Look at me and breathe." Enoch spoke into her ear, as she heaved. She refused to make eye contact with the boy. Her heart beat wildly as she breathed with him, ashamed someone had found her in such a state.

"Why stop me?" She asked miserably. Enoch cleared her hair from her eyes and shrugged.

"Because I had a bitch of a time getting up here and I didn't want to have to go back down." He said, giving a slight smile.

"Oh, how thoughtful," Ash replied with a roll of the eyes. She maintained eye contact with him at this point, knowing that if she looked away in the slightest, her heart may just finally stop all together. She hadn't noticed the other colours that swirled around his pupils, as corny as it sounds.

"I-I think I need to go to sleep. I'm not really sure how to get down either." Ash said sheepishly, not breaking her gaze.

"I know I will not be doing any of that tonight, with the scare you've given me." Enoch replied, gently pulling her up by her hands. "But, I've been up here many times before, with the amount I don't sleep, so I know the easiest way down."

Enoch realized he still had hold of her cold, yet soft, hands and immediately dropped them. He rubbed his neck as he walked away, wondering if he should really leave her side.

Ash started to walk after him, but then gazed out at the landscape she was ready to end it all on. She sucked in a deep, relieving breath and released it shakily. For once, since she had found her new vision, she didn't see any souls. She didn't see any oddly shaped shadows, or any spotty hues of white dotted here and there. She just saw darkness, which would have terrified any small child, but it was such a comforting sight.

"Ash? If you wanted to sleep, I wouldn't suggest doing it up here." Enoch interrupted her thoughts softly, at the other edge of the roof, ready to help her down.

She gently smiled and continued on toward the boy, amazed at the fact that she was able to look past the dead. They climbed down together, in a sketchy way that she would have never thought to go down. The pair did not say a word the whole way, until they had reached his door. Enoch stopped, but didn't reach for the handle, as though he had more to say. Yet he didn't, and Ash wanted anything to happen, so she impulsively threw her arms around his neck, whispering thank yous. He took a moment, before wrapping his arms around her and embracing her warmth.

She let go after not much time, and Enoch found that he was disappointed when she did. She turned to go toward her and Emma's shared room, but not before catching his small smile.