Change in Heart ▪ Enoch O'Connor

XVI.

As night fell, and as Miss Peregrine brought in the body, guilt consumed Ash. The peculiars follower in a sobbing and mourning line. They all watched as Miss Peregrine laid him in his bed, eyes shut for his final and infinite rest. Emma held a bawling Bronwyn in her arms as tears seeped down her face, yet she made no emotion.

"No one will be leaving this house until I say. Off to bed." She commanded solemnly, closing Victor's door gently and softly.

They dispersed, crying and heads hanging. Emma and Ash returned to their room where they talked and cried and held each other in arms, eventually falling asleep in Emma's bed together.

Emma rose far earlier than Ash did, in order to aid Miss Peregrine. Ash actually woke up earlier than usual, yet she laid in bed staring up at the ceiling to make up for the time.

A soft knock on the door made her rise as she would out of a coffin, but she didn't make a move to open it. Instead, she wrapped herself in Emma's blankets and stared at the wall. She heard a huff from outside, and then another knock.

"You can come in," Ash said softly and blankly.

Enoch poked his head in and looked at the bundle on Emma's bed, then let himself in and gently closed the door. He lingered at the door for a moment, then came to sit beside her. Ash never moved, nor did she make a sound. He clasped his hands on his lap and stared at the wall ahead.

"You knew, didn't you?"

Slowly, Ash turned her head to stare at him, not fully processing his words. "Wh-what?"

Her body began to tremble as she recalled him walking out into the rain that night. The flash of lightning before her eyes made her jump, then her vision faded back to his brown eyes. Of course she blamed herself. How could she not? She let him walk out, and seeing him come in in the arms of The Bird made her heart break. She could have stopped it. But no one knew she was to blame.

"He asked you to go with you. Didn't he?" His eyes were accusatory, his words were sharp and blunt. Enoch hadn't sounded this way to Ash since the beginning of meeting him. To hear it again, it frightened her, especially when her mind was already in a place of trouble.

"Enoch-I, I can't-"

"It's okay, Ash." He said, standing quickly and going to lock the door, before sitting back down beside her. "He asked me too."

"He did?"

Enoch nodded and fell back against the bed, sighing. "Is it bad that I wanted to go?"

"Is it bad that I wanted to go?"

Enoch shook his head. "I don't think it is bad that either of us wanted to go. We just see what it got the poor bloke."

Ash looked down to the floor beneath her and let stray tears fall. Could they have stopped whatever killed him if they would have gone? Could they have aided him in some way?

"Listen, Ash." Enoch shot back up to her side, grabbing her arm. "We can't leave. Not unless we all leave. We are trapped and there is no more home. So, whatever thoughts about returning home, you must drop. Because this is our home now, no matter how much we may hate it. We can't be Victor, Ash. You can't leave."

His words left Ash with wide eyes, and he promptly stood and left, shutting the door softly as he could.

Was it right of her to question the boys sanity? He seemed even more deranged than usual, perhaps the blame getting to him, perhaps this was his breaking point. Whatever it was, it scared Ash, and made her emotions blend back into a rushing turmoil.

Emma halted Ash's brewing panic attack, pushing into the room and falling down beside her, wrapping her in a hug. The girls cried together, though Ash felt she was intruding by crying, as she didn't know Victor as well as Emma.

Yet she had so much placed upon her, and she felt to blame for his death, and to blame for Enoch's crazed state. Her suffering was being prolonged; it felt like she was being caught within the walls of a hurricane with no escape.

Could there be a relief in this constant bereavement? The lack of life, her mental state rapidly declining, her lack of understatement with her peculiarity; It is building up, piling on her shoulders with no relief of the weight. She knew she had no way out.

"His service will be this afternoon, Ash. I don't know how I'm suppose to keep it together. What would the kids think?"

"Emma, have you ever thought that you are a kid as well? Sure, you've aged a few years, but not really. You're just as allowed to feel as them. He was a friend, so it is okay to mourn." Ash spoke kindly and softly, not wanting to enrage the girl in any way.

Emma remained silent for a moment, before slowly nodding her head. "I suppose you are right."

Emma hugged Ash and left the room to freshen herself up. Ash sank back into a fetal position on her bed, trying to soothe the monumental headache she had gained.