My Only Sin

12: Maybe You Didn't Know Him

"Alright so Google says that when your upset over something writing a letter and burning it helps with closure or something like that" I say looking over at Kai who was sitting down on my bed with a clipboard, paper, and a pencil he was tapping his chin with the pencil "and this is gonna make me feel better?"

He asks me and I shrug "according to Google yea" I turn my chair looking at him "I guess it's worth a shot" he says and starts writing about a minute later I got bored of sitting and doing nothing so I walked out to get a snack and walked back he was on the verge of tears the clipboard on the others side of the room and he was clutching onto his knees

I rushed over to him and grabbed his hands intertwining our fingers as he looked up at me "what happened?" I asked sitting next to him not letting his hands go "I just started writing and thinking and then crying and I don't want to feel bad Lila!" He screams slightly I let go of one of his hands and stroked his face before kissing him lightly

"Listen Kai I know you're not used to this but it's normal to react like this especially for someone with our situation, but just give this a chance ok?" I say after I pulled back from our short lived kiss he nods and I get up walking towards the clipboard picking it up and handing it to Kai "trust me you won't feel like this forever,

I know Luke and I always knew how to raise his spirits when he felt like this so it shouldn't be much different for you" I say choking on my last words as I tried my best to hold back the tears at the memory of Luke being gone "you okay?" He asks noticing my change in mood "huh? oh yea I'm fine don't worry"

I smile weakly before patting his shoulder "keep writing" I say before walking out closing the door behind me I walk all the way to the bathroom walking in and closing the door after me before I fall down in tears a loud sob escaping my lips. I didn't want Kai to see me cry not again...

Honestly no one but Liv and....... Luke had ever seen me cry and that's because I feel weak when I cry and I don't like it not at all and the last thing I want is someone watching me cry so I hide when I cry and last night I didn't have time to so Kai saw me cry but there's no way I'm letting that happen again

No matter how much I like him

I raise my hand locking the door before crying out loudly wrapping my arms around my legs and putting my head down closing my eyes

"I'm so sorry Luke"

"I'm so sorry Luke"

"I'm so sorry Luke"

"I'm so sorry Luke"

"I'm so sorry Luke"

"Lila! Lila open the door!" I can hear Kai screaming on the other side "Lila please just open the door let me help!" He begged. I cried out loudly before I heard him say some spell and the knob made a little click noise before the door swung open and Kai crouched down to my level lifting my head up "its okay" he whispered as I wrapped my arms around his neck

He wrapped his arms around my waist helping me up as we hugged I cried on his shoulder after a while I pulled back wiping of my tears and looking at him in the eyes "sorry you had to see me like that" I mumble "hey don't apologize, I'm supposed to help you remember?" He asked and nodded smiling weakly

"Yea I remember" I murmured before he lead me back to the room handing me a piece of paper and pencil "how about you write a letter about how you feel.... it could help you too" he suggested and I smiled at him "I guess it's worth a shot" I said mimicking him from before. I sat down in front of my desk laying the paper down

And started writing

~

"Phasmatos Incendia" we both said at the same time watching our letters go up in flames before it died down again "that didn't help one bit" Kai said looking at the remains of our letters "not even close" I agree as we look at each other then the letters. "now what?" Kai asks and I look at him

"I knew you wouldn't like this idea so I was really hoping the letter thing would help" I said and he looked at me curiously "what's your idea?" He asks and I look away "when.... Luke was upset he first would write this long as letter as an apology and gave it to the person he was apologizing to, then he did a bunch of good deeds to make up for his bad one"

I say and he walks in front of me "that's what I have to do to feel better?" He asks obviously disgusted by the idea "that's what.... Luke did" I said walking back inside I walked in the kitchen to fridge getting an apple and taking a bite out of it "are you sure you even know how to make me feel better?"

He asks judgmentally "what's that supposed to mean?" I ask looking back at him as he walks in the kitchen "it means maybe you didn't know Luke as well as you give yourself credit for, maybe I just need to sleep it off" he says shrugging "you did not just tell me I don't know my dead best friend" I growl angrily

"It's a possibility" he shrugs "are you kidding? I knew him like the palm of my hand! And then I helped you kill him! And you have the nerve to say I didn't know him!?" I start to scream at him tears welling up in my eyes "If this is your idea of making me feel better Kai I have a news flash for you it's not working!

Which means your losing so I don't have to stay with you, you know that right?" I ask calmer but still slightly crying he swallows hard opening his mouth then closing it "do you want me to leave?" I ask quietly and he just stands there looking at me. He actually wants me to leave? Too bad because this is my house and I'm not leaving!

"Get out" I say sternly and he starts walking towards the door I walk behind him getting his scattered clothes from last night he turns to me and I hand him his clothes not crying anymore I open the door he walks out silently "do us both a favor and don't come back" I mumble before slamming the door shut and leaning against it sliding down

I was about ready to just cry before I got up grabbing a bat I kept near the door incase of an intruder, (don't ask) and I smashed it against the wall making a huge hole in it I let out a loud sob wiping of tears and hit the wall again all I could think of was Luke and how he was dead and he wouldn't have been if it wasn't for me

I don't really know if he was stronger but he could've been if I didn't take some of his magic I hit the wall again making a fifth hole on this wall. And now I had sex with the guys who killed him! Kai killed Luke one of my best friends and I had sex with him and was helping him feel better! I hit the wall agin crying out loudly

Feeling the tears rush down my face and down to my neck I continued hitting the wall thinking of all the things that have happened to me sense Kai came. I didn't stop him when he hurt Jo with that magic knife, I made out with him, I stabbed him then he stabbed me, I killed my parents, he saved me from Damon, then I helped him kill Luke, and we had sex

What was he doing to my head!?

Before he was hear I knew the difference between right and wrong, between what had to be done and what I had to stop, but now I'm just as bad as he is. I'm a psychopath murder who killed her family and helped kill one of her best friends and never blinked once.

What happened to me!?

I hit the bat one more time against the wall before I slumped down. I would've been crying but I'm pretty sure I ran out of tears I looked around my breathing un even before I stood up grabbing the bat that was surprisingly not broken yet and opened the door walking out of the cabin

Now would be a perfect time to get rid of some pent up anger

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A/N:

Ahh man they were so happy and I ruined it

Sorry about that

But they can't have a happily ever after just yet