Chapter Thirteen: To Love

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Disclaimer: All characters and settings are purely fictional. If there are any similarities to real people or places, it is merely coincidental. The plot is written by me and not copied from any other writer.

********** Chapter Thirteen **********

"This is color looks amazing on you, Rylee" Mikah gushed, trying to hold back his tears. After the shock of the first day wore off, Mikah told me about her engagement. She coaxed me into being her Maid of Honor. So, here I was trying on a dress she had made for me. Well, getting adjustments made because Mikah estimated my size to be much slender than I actually was. No, the curves of motherhood took control and ruined that for me. But in the best way possible. 

"Thanks. You have amazing taste, as usual," I complimented. She beamed happily, her eyes twinkling. The dress was a teal off the shoulder aline dress. It hugged my waistline and accentuated the wideness of my hips. I loved it. 

"I missed you so much Ry," She said, her voice cracking from her attempts to hold back her tears. I outed and walked to give her a hug. 

"I missed you too. Being away from everyone was so hard," I admit. Hearing about the lives of everyone I knew was crazy. Like Mikah was a mom. She and Hayden had a beautiful daughter, and despite wanting to be married, she held out until she felt I was going to return. I felt awful about being the reason they weren't already happily married. 

Then, there were my parents. They came home two days earlier after Ryland informed them of my return. I didn't know what I expected, but my mom holding me while she cried tears of joy wasn't what I imagined. Even my dad hugged me for ten minutes, afraid I would disappear if they let go. I thought they would have taken the news about Tyrus badly. A teen pregnancy by a football player was everything she wanted to protect me from experiencing. But they loved Ty the moment they met him. My dad gushed over having another football player in the family, and my mom, she's just enjoying being a grandma to two adorable kids. So much changed, I couldn't process it all. 

"Raising Tyrus alone must have been tough," she remarked, wiping her eyes with a tissue she got from the side table. It must be a norm for brides to cry during these sessions. I wondered if Mikah cried every time she came here. 

"It was. There were plenty of times I wanted to give up and come back home, but I couldn't risk ruining Theo's life like that," I confess. 

Mikah shook her head, "You wouldn't have. Gosh, he would have loved being a dad. It's his dream." 

"What?" I asked. Theo's dream was to be a dad? He never mentioned anything about kids. We never really discussed it. It was always football. 

"Oh, Rylee. He's wanted a child for a while now. You should see how he is with Hailee. The longing in his eyes used to make me feel so sorry for him. He would have dropped everything to have that with you," Mikah explained. 

I never thought of Theo as a father. I knew he was Tyrus' father, but I couldn't picture him being a parent to him. Even when he came to pick Ty up earlier to spend time together, I was so nervous about letting him be alone with our son. I called three times on the way to Mikah, and four times since the appointment started. It wasn't that I didn't trust Theo. My motherly instincts just couldn't fathom Ty being with Theo. It was surreal. 

"I can't picture him as a father. He is just so-"

"I hated him when you left," Mikah spills, interrupting me. Her eyes were so soft and vulnerable as she spoke. It seemed as if she was embarrassed about the entire thing.

"I thought you left because he hurt you, and I hated him for it!" She continued. 

"No-" I try to explain, but she cuts me off again.

"Then, I saw how hurt he was. Rylee, you hurt him so much, I think you broke him. He's such a mess. Hayden hates it," She rambles. My heart broke, hearing her words. Mikah was never much of a fan of Theo's, but I think the years together built a friendship between them. I never thought I would see the day Mikah Rucci took up for Theo. 

"He hasn't been able to move on from you," she adds. 

"What about all the girls the media says he's dated?" I splurt out. I'm embarrassed by the weight of jealousy in my tone. No, Rylee. You are not allowed to feel that way about him, I chastise myself. 

Mikah chuckles, "You mean all the women who mysteriously look like you that he fucks?" 

Look like me? Did they? Thinking back on the girls I've seen him with, I can see the similarities. The brown curly hair, the soft brown eyes, and curvy physiques were common traits on all of them. 

"He won't commit. He doesn't do anything more than releasing sexual frustrations he has from imagining you into them." She states, picking up her phone. 

"The only emotions he has for me is hatred," I contest.

Mikah shrugged, "He is right to feel that way. You kept his son away from him, Rylee."

I sigh, "I know. But with everything concerning his parents and his football career, I couldn't chance him losing out on something he worked so hard to accomplish." 

Mikah thought about it for a few minutes. She looked at me, trying to read my face. I'm not sure what she was searching for or whether she found it.

"You're right. He would have chosen you. But what's so bad about that?" Mikah asked. 

I turn to the mirror and stare at her, "Having to live with the guilt of knowing he never got to live his dreams. I wouldn't be that memory for him." 

Mikah allows the silence to engulf us. Her eyes pierced into mines. They seemed to ask if I was ok with being the reason his heart broke. And honestly, I was ok with it. 

We eventually found ourselves having lunch at Dimes, a new restaurant in town that Mikah swore served the best lasagna she'd ever tasted. She said it was owned by a familiar face. Jordan Dean. 

He was more than ecstatic to see me. It was weird seeing him older. Time was good to him. He was devastatingly handsome. I wasn't embarrassed to admit that my eyes linger a bit too long on his full lips or drool over his smile. Even with an apron on, he was gorgeous. Had he always been this pleasing on the eyes? 

"Someone is drooling," Mikah teased, once Jordan left our table, promising to serve us the best his restaurant had to offer. When he had spoken those words, he sent a wink my way. It's been a while since my heart fluttered like that. 

"I am not!" I exclaim, brushing away the lustful thoughts playing in my mind. Sure, I was drooling. But it's been years since I got any kind of sexual relief. Part of me always held on to the hope that Theo and I would get back together, but with a new girl in his life, those chances were slim. So, I'm opening the horizons to finding my second chance at love. 

"You so are. Not that I blame you. You can tell he has a way with his hands," Mikah hummed, smiling sweetly at Dean, who was looking in our direction. 

"Claws away, Mrs. Parker!" I playfully toss a decorative flower at her. She catches it and laughs. 

"What? Hayden knows I window shop, but I'll never purchase. He's the only one I need," she gushed. Her eyes twinkled as she spoke of Hayden. It seemed like yesterday the four of us were on a double date. Throughout the entire night, Mikah started at Hayden as if he was her world, and she never stopped seeing him that way. I envied it. 

"I'm happy the two of you are so happy together," I admit, beaming at her. Mikah returned the smile before raising her glass of wine. 

"To love," Mikah stated. I raised my glass to hers, my eyes drifting to Jordans for a moment. Was a chance at love for me there? Theo. Gosh, the history between us was undeniable, but the decisions I've made ruined any chances of us getting together. Maybe it was time to try something new. 

"To love," I repeat.

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