If we never met

Chapter 5 - when I asked you something stupid about the weather

There's a dazzling haze
a mysterious way
about you, dear.

•••

 Camila groans out loud as she struggles to put on a pair of blue jeans, laying down on the bed and sighing when she realizes she might have to go for yoga pants. She didn’t expect to notice a gain of weight so early on, but even though her baby bump was nowhere near showing, she started noticing some of her clothes wouldn’t fit anymore, at least not in a way that felt comfortable.

 “ Is everything okay?” She hears Shawn’s voice from the outside.

 “ No.” She says, feeling frustrated. Why did she felt the need to cry over a stupid pair of jeans that wouldn’t fit her?

 “ Can I come in?” He asks, softly. She doesn’t say anything, so a few seconds later, Shawn opens the door and steps inside. “ What happened, Mila?”

 Camila smiles at the nickname, sitting up with her jeans still halfway her hips, trying not to think about the fact that he could see her underwear. He probably saw her with much less clothes on before, so what was the point?

 “ It doesn’t fit me anymore. At least not if I want to breathe properly.” She says, noticing his eyes finally travelling to the clothing item stuck on her body.

 Shawn doesn’t say anything, instead, he walks to the small closet on the corner and finds a pair of black yoga pants, walking back to her and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Camila takes the pants from his hand and stands up, taking off the pair of jeans and replacing them with the ones Shawn chose. He looks away when she changes clothes, and Camila almost finds it frustrating how much of a gentleman he is.

 “ You look better on these anyway.” He says when she’s done, placing a kiss on her forehead that has her melting. “ Come on, you still have to eat before we leave.”

 Camila follows him to the kitchen so she can eat her breakfast before they leave for her first ultrasound, but the second she smells coffee her stomach decides it’s time for her daily morning sickness. She places a hand over her mouth and quickly runs to the bathroom, kneeling down in front of the toilet, but nothing comes out. She feels Shawn behind her, holding her hair and running his hand up and down her back. He stays there with her until she finally feels better, discarting what must be part of last night’s dinner down the toilet.

 She manages to eat something before they leave for her appointment, feeling a lot better when they’re finally sitting down at the waiting room. The doctor calls them in and she suddenly feels nervous laying down in that room, about to have a first glance of their baby. Shawn holds her hand as the doctor asks questions and when they finally see the blurry image, Camila laughs at Shawn’s reaction. He makes a joke about not being able to see anything and to be honest, neither is she. It’s just too early for that, but they do hear a heartbeat that makes Camila share a few tears.

 The doctor tells them they often don’t perform the first ultrasound so early, but because of her staying at the hospital after the accident, he thought checking sooner would be a better idea. They weren’t expecting to already hear a heartbeat, but they were more than happy for what they got. The second they’re out of the room, Camila is already on her way to the restroom to pee and when they get home, she’s the first one to enter the house, running to the bathroom once again. She’s been feeling like a pee machine lately and Shawn loves to make fun of her for it. His constant lighthearted jokes make it easier for her to go by with her days and she feels more and more the need to do something about this growing feeling she has for him.

 One night she walks into the living room after taking a shower and finds him watching a documentary about World War II. He looks up when he hears her, smiling and patting the seat next to him on the couch. Camila walks to him and sits down, resting her head on his shoulder like she did the day they watched their wedding tape. She snuggles into him, taking in his scent and wishing she at least had one single memory of what it was like to kiss him. She wants so badly to know what it’s like, but she’s too scared to try. She’s also fully aware of how ridiculous it sounds that she’s too scared of making a move on her husband that had already made it clear how much he loves her.

 By the end of the documentary, Camila is sobbing on Shawn’s chest as he runs his hands through her hair. She’s been crying about everything lately, including a few days earlier when Tarzan stole one of her pancakes and Shawn had to make her a new one to make her feel better. She ended up sharing the new pancake with Tarzan anyway because he kept looking at her with those puppy eyes, then Shawn caught her and scolded her for giving it to him. Of course she cried again because she thought he was mad at her and he had to apologize, being the understanding husband he was.

 After almost two months of not one single memory coming back to her, Camila decides she needs to go back painting. Even with her mental block lately, she thinks trying might be a good start. She sets up her easel on the balcony where she can hear and watch the waves crash down on the beach, trying to paint a simple picture of the beach on the empty canvas. She’s halfway through when Shawn walks into the balcony, looking at her with fascination in his eyes.

 “ I missed seeing you like this.” He whispers, standing next to her and looking at her unfinished painting.

 “ Can I ask you something?” Camila says, turning around on her seat to look up at him.

 “ Sure, honey.” She feels her cheeks blushing once again as he uses his favorite pet name for her.

 “ How did we meet?” She asks quietly, remembering one of her paintings that’s hanging in their living room. She asked him the day before what it was and he said she gave it to him on their first Valentine’s day. It was the place they met.

 “ I was playing at this coffee shop, it was like the middle of the afternoon, and no one was really paying attention to my music. Then you walked in and ordered a green tea, sat down on a table and watched me play for the rest of my set. You kept looking at me like you were staring at my soul or something and when I got off the stage you walked to me and said you had loved my songs.” Shawn smiles at those memories, making Camila feel kind of sad for not remembering it too. “ You paid me a coffee and I asked you something stupid about the weather. You said it was a good thing I was good looking because I had no game at all.” Camila laughs along with him when he tells her that. It does sound like something she would say. “ We exchanged numbers and went out on two dates before I asked you to be my girlfriend, but I knew there was something about you the second you walked into that crowded coffee shop.”

 Camila smiles when their eyes lock, knowing there was no way the pregnancy hormones were the only thing to blame for the way she was feeling. Shawn lifts his hand to her face and rubs his thumb on her cheek, swiping blue painting from it and rubbing it on her nose. She laughs and without giving much thought, stands up and wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him before placing a kiss on his cheek. She looks at his lips, about to give in and kiss them when Tarzan walks between them and ruins the moment.

 They spend the rest of the night with Camila finishing her portrait of the beach while Shawn tells her stories she can’t remember, holding Tarzan while watching her work. She knows right in that moment that she still loves this man, those feelings were just buried deep inside her along with the memories she’s yet to recover.