GHOST OF YOU | BWS

twenty-one.

This time it isn't him who makes the first move, but me. I connect our lips, longing to feel the softness of his on mine again. Maybe I'm just tired after I spent the entire night worrying about James and him, or maybe I just don't care anymore. But one thing is for sure, my body is craving him. At first he doesn't react, and I move my hands to his neck, deepening our kiss and asking permission into his mouth. He lets me and brings his hands to my waist and down to my arse. Lust and desire taking over me, I try to lead us back to the couch, but stumble on the coffee table. Brad helps me keep my balance and connects our lips again until we reach the couch and he's lying on top of me, his hands wandering under his shirt I'm wearing, goosebumps appearing everywhere his fingers make contact with my skin. At this moment I don't care about anything. Not Joaquin, not Isaac, not Reggie, not Charlie. I am completely thought-free, lost in Brad's touch. My hands travel to the waistband of his sweatpants, eager to get them off of him, but as soon as I start sliding them off, Brad detaches himself from me, his hands gripping my wrist to make me stop.

"Stop", he says, pulling away from me.

He gets off me and the sofa, adjusting his sweatpants while I give him a confused look, still panting from the intense kiss we shared. I would lie if I said I'm not hurt by his rejection. What kind of guy would pull away in the middle of a makeout session?

"We shouldn't—", he starts to say but doesn't finish his sentence.

"We shouldn't what?", I ask as I sit down on the couch, looking straight at him. "Have sex?"

"Yes— No—", he stammers, looking both frustrated and torn. "No, we shouldn't", he adds, more decisive this time.

I stare at him for a second, lost. Talk about mixed signals. You can't kiss me like there's no tomorrow one moment and push me away the next.

"Why?", I ask, looking for a reasonable explanation. "Why shouldn't we? We're two consenting adults, I don't see the pro—", I continue before stopping myself. "Is this because of Charlie?", I suddenly ask, and the surprised look on Brad's face makes me understand it's not.

"No", he answers bluntly. "Even though I'm sure he wouldn't approve of me taking advantage of his sister"

I can't help but frown at his answer. Taking advantage of me? If someone is taking advantage of someone here it's me. I'm the one who made a move this time.

"You're not taking advan—", I try to argue but he doesn't let me.

"You're not thinking straight right now", he answers, his eyes never leaving mine.

I give him another frown, and was about to abject but he doesn't give me the chance.

"You're clearly exhausted, and with everything that's going on—", he adds, looking for his words. "I just think you're not mentally—"

"Stable?", I exclaim, storming off to my feet. "I'm not mentally stable? That's what you were gonna say, isn't it? You think I'm crazy"

"No— No, of course not", he answers as he takes a step towards me but stops when he sees the angry look on my face. "Joy, that's not what I was gonna say"

"Then what were you gonna say? What reasons can you possibly have to not have sex with me? Or you're just a coward looking for an excuse to get out of it because you're too scared to tell me you're just not attracted, or interested in me"

He lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Bloody hell you're not making this any easier", he says, making me even more angry.

Why can't he just tell me he's not interested, that he doesn't want me? Why find all sorts of excuses to avoid telling me? I'm a grown up, I can handle rejection.