Chasing Ellie

36. The Best

Ellie Hope

Even though Savannah is blatantly ignoring me, I still make sure to send a text here or there. Just to remind her that I am in fact still around.

She keeps leaving me on read.

I don't actually hate that as much as most people. At least I know she's opened my texts. She's at least curious. It would be worse if she never read them at all.

And besides, I'm hoping at some point my constant nagging will present itself at the perfect timing, a moment when she misses me and then pop, I'll just slide into her messages and that'll be that.

It seems plausible.

Especially because I don't give up on people easily.

So as James comes into Wes' house without Savannah I pull my phone from my pocket and text her. Just a simple "it's not the same without you".

James however did bring Darren and that I am excited for. Once I got Darren talking the other day in my room, we covered ample ground. And any previous concerns I had about him being a complete Neanderthal went out the window.

He might possibly be one of the most interesting people I've ever met. His mind is like a catalog full of topics and information, ready to access at any point. How one person can retain such a ridiculous amount of information blows my mind.

And it's different from Brett, who is incredibly knowledgeable. But Brett knows everything about certain things, Darren just knows a lot about everything.

So as James and Darren step into the house, James pointing out the essentials to Darren, like where the bathroom is, I grab a remote for the Switch off the coffee table and head for Darren.

I march up to Darren who instantly looks everywhere but at me and announce to the room, "Let's see how he does at Mario Kart boys."

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Half way through the movie Wes stands, his hand still holding Laurel's as he pulls her to his feet.

He tics. "We'll be back."

"Sure you will." I muse, we all know they're going to go find a quiet place to make out.

They've been entangled with each other all night. Her legs draped over his lap, his arm around her, their hands together. The two of them whispering back and forth having their own private little conversation.

I'm happy for them. Really. I love seeing Wes with someone, something I think he had mostly ruled out for himself.

James and Brett have hardly said a word to each other, the tension between them so alarmingly present that I've even begun to question if they're mad at all of us.

And then there's Darren who's sitting beside me, quite close because of course James is sprawled out on the couch we're all sharing. He's been rigid, like a mannequin, focused so intently on the movie I'm not even sure he's currently present.

I am not paying an ounce of attention to the movie, especially as I hear James say Brett's name. From my position I can only see Brett around Darren, James hidden beside him. But I listen as closely as I can, trying to decipher what they're talking about.

It all goes so fast as Brett hushes James and James mutters "I can't do this" before he shoves himself off the couch and leaves the living room.

My eyes go from Brett, who's jaw is clenched tight as he stares at his lap, to Darren who watches James before swinging his head around to look at me.

I'm not exactly sure how it can be, but I swear I know exactly what Darren is feeling in that moment, all the things running through his head.

And without a word, I stand and head after James. He escaped to the front porch and I follow, slipping my shoes and coat on before I exit the warmth of the house.

"James." I say as soon as the door closes behind me.

"God El, what am I supposed to do?" He pleads desperately, his gray eyes shimmering in the dim light of the porch.

And then James unloads everything.

"I don't know what is worse, sneaking around hiding it or this. He won't look at me, he won't talk to me. It's like no matter what I do, I can't have him." James paces, his voice thick with tears. "But he's all I want Ellie. I don't understand what I did."

I track him back and forth as he walks the short sidewalk length. Watching his long strides, and square shoulders that the sweater he has on hangs from. His white sneakers like a spotlight in the dark.

"I don't think it has anything to do with you James." I don't. Whatever the reason is that Brett has pulled away is all on Brett. "I don't want to speak for Brett but I think he's really struggling to love himself right now James."

James stops, damp cheeks reflecting in the light as he asks "why?".

I hold my hand out, waiting for James to take it before I wrap myself around him. He makes me feel so small that I'm not really sure if my hug can even be considered one of comfort but I try anyway.

"You know how his parents are. Can you even imagine all the things they've said to him." I look up at James and I can see it register. "I think we just have to love him even harder than we already do."

James blows out a breath and crumples over top of me, his weight bearing down. He's been handling everything so stoically and I suddenly feel guilty for not seeing that he's been struggling too.

"How are you and Savannah?" His heart thuds against my ear, each pound as hard as the last one.

"She's only talking to me because I'm her brother and she needs me. If she could ice me out too she would." He mutters.

"She's just being stubborn." I hope.

He laughs dryly through his nose, lifting his weight from me.

"She keeps asking me if there's something going on with you and Darren?"

A smile tugs at his face and dare I say mine too even though I try not to let it. There isn't anything going on. Not really. Just a couple of hang outs. A few secrets. Barely anything.

"Am I not allowed to make new friends now?" I tease because there's no way I'm going to deny it, that'll just put ammunition in James' hands.

He laughs, the tears gone from his eyes, his cheeks dry like everything isn't falling apart around us.

"He's pretty cool huh?" James asks, swinging his arm around my shoulder.

"He had to be, to be friends with you."

James squeezes me into his side as we turn back toward the front door. "You're the best Ellie."