Killing Swans

Chapter 19 - Brothers

Present 

I stared at Oliver, my own flesh and blood, my brother whom I haven't seen in over two years. There he was sitting, right in front of me and the way he looked up at me, I had to wonder if he even recognized my face or if it had changed by how many times my boyfriend had smashed it in. But when he met my gaze, he looked uncomfortable and tried looking away so I knew...I knew he knew who I was. When I realized, that I was just standing there on the stage, while everybody was waiting for me to get back into position for the group dance, I quickly tore my eyes away from my brother, continuing to dance as the music started. 

Fuck...Fuck fuck I-I hadn't...that was Oliver, my little baby brother. The same one who used to make fun of me and who loudly played video games in his rooms. The same one I had to watch every Sunday morning at his swimming tournaments and the same one, who used to sneak into my bed, when he had a nightmare...my baby brother. I had last seen him standing in his room, as he watched me walk away with all of my belongings, that I could pack in ten minutes, leaving our family home for good, because I was not welcomed there anymore. 

He was here and he looked just like I remembered him, but I was terrified. I was terrified and excited and nervous and I didn't even know how to dancer properly anymore. I mean I did, but all my thoughts were busy focussing on my long lost brother, who sat right in front of me with his class after two years, watching me dance. I was nervous, because I didn't want this to end, I didn't want to let this opportunity pass by, actually, I physically couldn't let that happen, I knew I had to talk to him, even if he was brainwashed by our parents and thought that I was the bad guy. 

So the second I finished dancing and rushed off the stage, I knew I had to hurry the fuck up, since there was only then minutes left of the show and then Oliver would probably leave and I would never see him again and I couldn't let that happen, I just had to speak to him!!! I couldn't bother to stay and wait for the applause to bow to the audience, I didn't think it was important, even if it was my first time on stage, at least in this company, but I-I just- I had to run and get changed, so I could catch Oliver, I couldn't let him go or else I might never ever get to see him again, I just had to try! He had blocked my number after my parents threw me out, s-so I just couldn't get in contact with him, but he was here and maybe he would let me talk to him! 

"Henry!! I'm so so proud of you, wow did you look amazing and you learned all of that in a da- hey are you ok-" Milo said, his big puppy smile fading, as I ran at full speed at him and then just...past him. Milo was nice and important to me, but my brother...I just needed to get changed. "Henry??" he called, when I just kept on running and I didn't look back, I needed to get to my changing room and wipe off that makeup and at least change my shoes, I couldn't really run in these and I mean...was it stupid that even now I didn't want to look bad in front of my brother? That I took the time to look like...I don't know, I guess neutral? Not like I was doing fine without him, but also not so that he would worry. 

So when I got to my small changing room, I quickly ripped off all my clothes, just as I heard the applause through the speakers, that were in every changing room and office around here, just so nobody would miss their call. I quickly hurried into my pair of pants and a shirt, not checking if it looked good, because the applause would only last so long and I had to watch out for Oliver, when he would leave the theatre, because I could lose him in the crowd, that would gather in the foyer. I quickly took a makeup wipe, cleaning my face with it as best as I could, while putting on my shoes, before throwing it into the room and immediately running to find my brother. 

I ran through the company, to the path that would lead from backstage to the public theatre. And just when I opened the small wooden door did I see that the doors were already open and the people were leaving the theatre. I stopped dead in my tracks, searching the faces that were already gathering by the cloakroom to pick up their coats for the way home, but I couldn't see any kids, that were part of Oliver's class, anywhere and I grew nervous. Fuck fuck fuck I was too late, he had already left and I had missed my chance with him, why had I changed, why didn't I run to the exit immediately, now I would never get to see him again! Maybe he was still outside, maybe if I ran to the subway I could catch him maybe-