𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 | k. sakusa

18. it's sed flashback time ('-﹏-'；)

⚠️ art credits : @/baeguismylunch on twitter ⚠️

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Six days went by in a blur of sweat and tiredness for the boys. And you were not going to school due to your ankle, so it was somewhat a relief for the team. Since you were constantly in touch with them all the time. Although you declined every facetimes, because you knew the reality was a little bit different.

You thought not going to school would be a good idea. As you knew you'd never have the energy to survive it without having your team by your side to help you. Not to mention, the fangirls would probably go feral on you. But it also had its downsides. You were living alone with your own thoughts, isolated from the world outside.

You had already bought enough edibles for a whole week on the first day itself. So now you were basically caged with whatever went inside your mind. And the problem was, the one who had caged you in, was you, yourself.

Your bedroom was a complete mess by now. One corner was dedicated for storing food that didn't require refrigeration, or basically just what you were eating ever since your grandma left. You stored it there because you always felt like you didn't have enough energy to move to your kitchen, in fact you barely went out of your room. You just moved to take showers everyday and to freshen up. Other than that, you were just lying on your bed or the floor.

Another corner of your room had your dirty laundry which you haven't been doing ever since you broke your ankle. Thankfully you had enough clothes left yet.

But what was that one thing which was messier than your room? Your brain.

Being the overthinker you were, you only ever had negative thoughts. Your brain kept on reminding you of things from the past that you wanted to forget forever.

At this point, you could not even force your brain to think about something good, something happy. It felt like somebody else had taken over your mind. Somebody, who hated you with their core.

You felt like you were drowning in an ocean of self hatred and you didn't know how to swim, and no one seemed to be able to see you.

Your nightmares and hallucinations seemed to be a lot more triggered than usual. You had spent hours just crying and now your eyes felt tearless. It felt empty, very empty. Like a lot of parts were missing, like something that should have been your life source was missing. And this void weighed you down to a very lonely corner inside yourself. Scared to stay there, but scared to come out. Torn in confusion of what to do.

Probably this was the feeling that your team didn't want you to feel. But even they had no idea that it could happen on this extent.

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

It was the morning of 23rd, your mother's death anniversary. The twins were already having a bad feeling in their guts and it was just 6 am now. Atsumu had received replies to his messages from you. You had told him that you'd catch a taxi and visit your mother's grave. You'd spend the day there and then text later in the evening. It seemed normal enough. But the tension on their faces was visible.

Sakusa walked up to them like he had been doing for the past few days. He used to come early, 2 hours before his team.

He saw Suna coming out as well. Both of them observed that the twins looked straight up sick. "Are you two… constipated?" Suna asked with a blank face, without any hint of sarcasm. The twins just shook their heads, looking at the ground. It was surprising that Atsumu didn't talk back at the remark or Osamu didn't snarl.

"What's wrong?" Sakusa asked after a while. "Nothin'. Yet." Osamu slowly spoke. "What do you even mean by that?" Suna frowned. "It's Y/n's mother's death anniversary…" Atsumu mumbled.

"I mean it is definitely a sad day for her and she'll probably be down for today. So if you two looked sad, it'd make sense. But you guys look… just plain scared." Sakusa finally spoke what he and Suna wanted to convey.

"It's 'cause that's what we are. This day has been just gettin' more and more terrible every year. I am terrified down to my soul." Osamu said, looking at nothing in particular. It was more than rare for Osamu to say something like that so directly.

"What exactly do you guys mean? What has happened on this day for the past two years? And why do I not know about this?" Suna questioned, hiding the signs of worry.

"Two years ago, a night before this date, she ran out of her home, without any shoes and went to her mother's grave, and just cried without a break for the whole night and the followin' day. And then didn't talk to anyone for more than a week. It was heartbreakin' to see her like that, but it had only been a year. No one could blame her. And we didn't tell anyone because it wasn't our place to say. And probably that was what she wanted." Osamu said and then looked over at Atsumu.

"And last year, we were with her in the afternoon after she had returned from the grave. She looked fine and normal. Almost. So she sent us away after a while. We didn't want to force her in anyway so we agreed. Around midnight, her grandma called me asking if she was with us, she wasn't. But I didn't want to scare her grandma so I said that yes she'll stay overnight. After that we searched for her for an hour. Went everywhere we knew she could be, but then found her by the bridge, passed out in the middle of the road. When we tried to wake her up, we found she had bruises on her arms and legs. As if she rolled down a cliff. And when she opened her eyes… she said, 'Mom! It's you! I didn't think that I'd make it to heaven. But at least I didn't fail.' And then she became unconscious again. The next day she didn't even remember what happened and kept smilin', laughin' and jokin' around… like… like she always does." Atsumu's voice finally gave up.

There was a long moment of silence between the four of them. Atsumu was on the verge of tears. He hated how you looked so broken on that day.

Osamu felt a physical pain in his heart. He hated how he couldn't help you in making you feel better.

Sakusa felt all his insides drop to a fathomless abyss. He was still having difficulty wrapping his head around what Atsumu just said.

Suna just turned away and went back inside the school building. Everyone was too deep in their feelings to stop or ask him where he was going.

The reactions of the four of them were slightly different from each other, but there was still one thing in common. All of them wanted you to never ever go through anything like that again.

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

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Author's Note~

ah yes, good ol' times ha ha ha (・–・;)ゞ

but yeah pls drop all those toxic mfs from
your life before i drop kick them and try a saitama style punch (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
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