Shades of Purple

Tales from Urth

"Zim WHAT?!"

Purple hurriedly shushed his co-Tallest with a half-growl, glancing back worriedly at Tenn and Rouge, both asleep. 

"Lower your voice!"

"Sorry, But...! Come on, Zim?! He actually did it?!"

Sigh. "Oh, trust me, I didn't believe it a first either." Red was silent for a while as he processed the news. 

"Does that planet at least have any valuable resource?" Purple's eyes lit up and he described all of the desserts he had tried. "Well, if you think they are worth bearing Zim, then I believe you." He still looked like he couldn't believe it, however. "How is Rouge, by the way?"

"He's fine," Purple chuckled nervously, omitting the part where Rouge had used the teleporters on the Massive. "Sleeping alongside Tenn. Did you and Lena finally make up?"

"You could say so. But when Ilk called in her disguise, she fainted thinking she had been discovered. That night she made me sleep in the couch again." Purple snickered. "I don't find it any funny, what if it really had been a kryvtor?"

"On the bright side, the last time she called she mentioned she'd finally start her reconnaissance now that she's got her disguise. And did she show you DIR's frill-neck mode? It's pretty cool!"

Red looked proud for a moment. "Well, of course, she's got my superior DNA, it was pretty obvious that she'd be a natural Invader. I got the feeling she'll be the first to call for the Organic Sweep soon."

Purple was sure that wouldn't be the case. Sure, so far she was proving to be a more than capable Invader, but she was still Ilk. The Ilk that had befriended a screwhead and who never liked torturing Vortian slaves for fun. He was sure she'd actually be amongst the last because she'd try to find a way to conquer the planet that didn't involve genocide. He just hoped she wouldn't get too attached to the lizards, though.

"Anyway, how are you and Tenn doing in the romantic department?"

"We're progressing," Purple said, deciding not to mention the external insemination just yet. He wanted to surprise Red and Lena when they returned. "Zim mentioned this planet has a lot of romantic spots, so-"

Red raised his lekku in alarm. "Heyheyhey, stop it right there! Did you ask Zim for romantic advice? You forgot to upgrade your PAK again, didn't you? That's the worst idea ever, even for you!"

"I know it doesn't sound... good, but if you saw the kind of hyooman he got for a mate, you'd agree with me that he must have done it right if she accepted him."

"Purple, you can't compare a lowly, under-developed mammal to an Irken! What even makes you think that his method will work with Tenn?" Purple heard Lena's voice from offscreen. "Crap, I gotta go. Just remember, don't take whatever Zim says too seriously!" The transmission was cut off.

Usually he would have dismissed whatever Red said, but as much as he hated to admit it, he was right. As desperate as he was, how did he even think of asking Zim for romantic advice? He was never that popular on the Academy due to his destructive tendencies. And hyoomans probably had different, much lower standards for mates than Irkens. What if instead of helping, Zim's 'methods' only pushed Tenn further away?

But Purple's greatest flaw was his impatience. He was already craving for it, and though he did manage to get away from the Massive a few times to satiate his sexual appetite in Orgydia, none of those females would satisfy him like he imagined Tenn would. He still remembered their wedding night, the one (and sadly only) time he fully touched her. If the pleasure drones were cheap soft drinks from the nearest vending machine, his beautiful Tenn was an elixir of life. This desperation for more was what drove him to actually consider Zim's advice in the first place. He needed to cling to the smallest glimmer of hope of winning Tenn over.