Unforgivable Lies (Remus Lupin)

XVI

Mauw! The last chapter ecame really really long so I had to cut it in two... (this story has way shorter chapters than I'm used to, and I would like to keep it that way, you know, consistency and stuff)

Anyways, here's the next chapter. Hope you guys enjoy. Please comment and vote.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Apparently a good nights sleep wasn't meant to be.

The moment sleep caught up with me, i knew I was screwd.

The fear that overwhelmed me the moment I was truly asleep cause another, stronger, wave of desperation to course through me. I wanted to wake up, to go back to that calm and relaxed time with Remus, to feel calm and at ease around him. Instead of the calm feeling, the smell of iron prickled my nostrils, awakening this slumbering feeling of panic that I knew lay hidden  deep beneath the surface. It was panic, crude and raw, that had my heart accelerating with each frantic breath, with each gasp of my over-exerted lungs as I struggled for breath. As I fought to draw some precious little air into my lungs my mind was clouded with fear. Bone-deep, all-consuming fear that terrified me for no apparent reason. The smell of smoke was added to that of blood, ashes mixing with the coppery taste of metal, and I knew that this was it. My worst fear, my worst nightmare, it always came back. Always.

No matter I had fallen in love with someone just as broken and fucked up as I was, no matter I had some friends that cared for me and a place to now call home, in the end it would always come back to this, this sense of fear and restlessness inside of me.

And then, just like all those other times, my fear reached an all time high, and then it was gone. A sense of relief, of freedom, and I know subconsciously knew I had shifted. Into a wolf, no less. And it was that knowledge that stopped me dead in my tracks, pushing aside the last remnants of fear and panic as I shook off the sleepiness that was now threatening to overwhelm me.

Opening my eyes I found myself looking into another pair of green ones, now suddenly looming above me. Panicking I tried to flinch backwards, only to notice that I was indeed in wolf form and didn't exactly know how to back away using my paws. Now that I wasn't relying on instinct anymore, my human mind had taken over, with the disadvantage that I had never done so before. Now it was like I was trapped inside this canines body, forced to watch how the scene before me unfolded. Blinking I noticed my enhanced sense of hearing, my great eyesight and excellent sense of smell.  

Remus.

My attention was drawn back to those green eyes hovering above me. They were obviously attached to his beautiful wolf-form, and he was looking at me wearily. His entire body was tensed, muscles coiled like rippling steel beneath his light brown fur, body lowered dangerously to the ground and lips pulled back from his teeth in a menacing manner. 

Somehow my instincts kicked in, my wolf obviously realizing he felt threatened. Remus was a Lycanthrope, after all. His instinct must be telling him to rip me to shreds while his mind argued for my safety. Remembering all I had read on wolves I tried to keep as low as possible, my ears pressed backwards and whimpering a bit in his direction. Choosing the high road I rolled over, exposing my stomach to him in sign of submission. This seemed to placate his wolf, for the tension seemed to flow right out of him as he approached me, snout digging into my shoulder and sniffing carefully. It felt so strange, being on all fours, and feeling all that pent up power in my body. Wolves were strong creatures, and right now I was aware for the very first time that I had shifted, and that I was in control.