Unforgivable Lies (Remus Lupin)

IX

Another chapter. I know, many people have asked me to update my other stories as well, but this one is just really inspiring me to write more and more.

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I had a split second to make a decision, one I knew would affect me in some way or another. But I also knew that, in my heart, I had already made a choice. I couldn't let Remus walk away. I couldn't let him carry the guilt of thinking he attacked me without explaining myself to him. I had to do something.

So I stood up, Severus and Albus having broken off the healing spell as soon as Remus came burstimg through the door, and did the only thing I could think of.

I went after him.

Taking off in a sprint I fought the seemingly ever-present nausea as I glanced over my shoulder as I exited the room, seeing Snapes shocked expression and Dumbledores amused one. Barely having any time to really think about what I was doing I dashed down the hallway where I saw Remus rounding the corner.

"Remus!Wait!" I shouted, not quite managing to catch up with him as I still felt shaky and out of breath.

He didn't listen, and I had to force myself to run faster. When I finally managed to reach him I tried again.

"Remus, we need to talk" I managed between clenched teeth as I tried to control my ragged breathing.

"There is nothing to talk about" he hissed, slightly turning my way. The look of utter disbelief in his eyes and the hurt I saw there was nearly enought to break me.

When Remus started down the hallway again, I stood still for a few second, trying to shake away the feeling of hurt. Then anger overcame whatever emotion came before, and I was at Remus side in a few seconds. Remus tried to pull himself loose, jerking his arm away from me with enough force to have me stumble. But I was angry now, my body going into overdrive as I seethed at his reaction. So instead of stumbling backwards I moved forward, holding onto his arm with my good hand with a steel grip. At the same time I used my body as leverage to press Remus against the wall of the corridor, only a few torches providing a dim lighting.

"No!" I croaked, pain searing through my arm as it was pressed tightly in between me and Remus "You are going to bloody listen to me!"

I saw the surprise in Remus eyes, and I realized with a startle how close we were standing together. His face was inches away from mine and his ragged breathing matched my own.

"Why would you want to talk to me?!" He said, his voice low and somewhat menacing.

"Because I need to explain" I managed, now suddenly unsure as to what to say.

"Explain what?! I hurt you" Remus said, his voice thick with guilt.

I backed off ever so slightly, and nearly tore the sleeve of my sweater as I pulled it upwards. My hand now looked almoat human. The nails had shrunken, although still slightly pointy, and the veins and arteries still looked like a purple fishnet underneath my pale skin. What was scary were the scars. Angry looking and red, there were several of them running along my forearm. Marring my pale skin the lines stood out and I breathed in deeply at the sight of him.

"This...." I somehow managed to say, finding my voice "is not your fault"

Remus shook his head, clearly not convinced.

"I hurt you. Attacked you. Injured you. I turned you into the monster I am....." he said between clenched teeth "What else is there to say?!"

I realized then that he thought hed turned me into a werewolf. That he thought he had.condemmed me to a life of isolation, to a life of loneliness. That his actions had led to what could very well be the end of my life as I currently knew it.

"Not everything is black and white Remus!" I exclaimed "You.... you did attack me. I think"

"You think?! Whats there to doubt about?!" Remus was now nearly yelling at me.

"If I remembered anything about the damn thing, I'd tell you!" I shouted right back at him.

That shut him up. He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opening and closing a few times.

"...What?" he finally asked, his voice dangerously low.

"I.... I'm not exactly sure of what happened last night Remus. I-I might not even be completely human" I said in a soft voice, my eyes searching his face.

"What do you mean?" Remus now sounded extremely confused. Not that I could blame him.

"It's... It's starting to look like I am an Animagus" I said as I tried to keep the tremble out of my voice.

"Looks like?" Remus said "You think? How does that work?!"

"Look...it's hard to explain. But you didn't turn me, if thats what you think. And the attack was my fault" I said, trying to explain myself, feeling like I had to justify myself.

Remus was looking at me in wonder now, disbelief clear in his features as he searched my face, trying to figure out if I was lying to him.

"Why-why are you doing this?" he finally whispered, hid voice broken.

"Doing what?" I murmured, loosening the grip i had on his arm. But somehow I couldn't make myself step away from him.

"Trying to convince me that I didn't just do something terrible..... That I am not a monster...." Remus said, vulnerability flashing in his eyes before a guarded expression replaced it.

His eyes were expressing so many emotions in that one moment before he pulled up those walls. Fear, anger, hurt, an overwhelming guilt... it was all so overpowering and all-consuming that I couldn't think of any words that could possibly reach him. That would convince him that I meant what I was saying.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

I kissed him.

Leaning in I raised my good hand to cup the side of his face as I pressed my lips against his. Remus eyes widened in shock at the featherlight caress, and he stilled completely under my touch. But something changed when my lips touched his. Somewhere in between trying to make Remus see the truth in my words and not knowing what to say, I threw caution to the wind. Somewhere along the way my mind completely ignored that I barely knew him, and focused on how good it felt to have his lips pressed against mine.

I was telling myself to be reasonable, to think this through and try and be sensible about this whole buisness, but then Remus was kissing me back. And the moment his lips started moving against my own, I was lost. Reveling at the feeling of euphoria that coursed through me, my other hand automatically reached up to wrap itself around his neck, just as his hands found their way to my waist. I was wearing muggle clothes, and his hands rested on the waistband of my pants while his thumbs rested against the oversensitized skin of my hips. My head was spinning, Remus deepening the kiss as his tongue sought entrance. I happily granted it. As we both fought for dominance in the kiss I was happy to grant it as Remus pulled me closer, pulling me flush againat his body at the same time one of his hands trailed up my back, following the path of my spine. A soft mewl in the back of my throat was all I could manage as I melted against him, my hand tangling in his hair and pulling him closer. When his fingers started drawing slow circles across my already senaitive skin I moaned, and was rewarded with a low growl of satisfaction from Remus.

It was when we both parted for air that I realized how deep into the kiss I had been. My breathing was irregular, and my heartbeat a tattoo against my ribcage. Remus was.looking at me, also breathing heavily.

"You..." I whispered, feeling the need to fill the silence that had fallen between us "....are not a monster"

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Well theres another chapter. Ive never been very good at writing the steamy scenes or the romantic ones, so please comment and vote. I appreciate feedback!