Unforgivable Lies (Remus Lupin)

XX

Well people, here it finally is, the last chapter. Maybe afterwards I'll post an epilogue or something, but for now I just want to wrap this up so I can focus on my other fanfictions. I have an Alan Rickman fanfic that's more of a romantic comedy and the Darkest Desire series (which are a Severus Snape love story), so if you want to check those out.....

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Huddling against the cold weather I stood on top of the hill, looking down on the small town that spread out before me. It was near the sea, so the smell of salt in the air cause me to narrow my eyes as I looked to the twenty or so houses that were spread out in a disorganized fashion on the plains leading to the sandy dunes, the forest on one side and rocky cliffs on the others causing the small village to be quite isolated.

Trees surrounded me, shrouding me in shadows and allowing me a degree of anonymity that even my hooded dove-grey cloak and inconspicuous clothing couldn't accomplish.

Rain was falling down softly, a slow drizzle that only accentuated my already dark mood. Doubt and confusion were clear and ever-present in my mind as I watched the dilapated building at the edge of the tiny village with extreme caution. That that place was supposed to be a restaurant. Well whatever passed for that in these run-down places.

I had been standing here for the better part of the morning, uncertainty and worry gnawing at my insides. What if I couldn't find him? What if Remus was no longer there?

And what if he was?

Would he listen? Would he stop long enough or him to hear me out? Would he still want me? Still care about me enough to hear my explanation?

After all, I hadn't gone after him. In my mind, that was my biggest crime. I hadn't had the will-strength or the drive to search for him when I was still so hurt and broken. Some would argue that if he loved me, he would have come back to me. But I knew otherwise. Remus was a complicated man, and I was pretty sure he felt like even if he did indeed love me, he would not come back. He probably thought he wouldn't be good for me. That I hated him for causing my parents deaths. That it was safer for me if he stayed away.

Which meant that winning him back was up to me.

Looking down what passed as the main street I saw several people scurry down the cobblestone road, which was turning muddy by the rain. Most of them seemed in a hurry, busy with whatever they did with their lives in a place so isolated from the rest of the world.

I wondered briefly if that's what had driven Remus here. The silence. The isolation.

And then I saw him.

Shuffling down the street in ragged clothing, looking as disheveled as I had ever seen him, he looked like a broken man. My heart constricted at the sight of him, hunched over and slowly walking in the direction of the cafe.

The way he walked, that slow shuffle, his clothing tattered and haggard, he looked sickly and frail. I had always thought of him as handsome, unconventionally attractive, but now his face just looked gaunt and sickly pale. Purple bags lay under his eyes, hair falling in messy and unkempt strands to frame his face.

My breath hitched when he stumbled, somehow managing not to fall but still slouching as he entered the cafe. He looked like a beggar, and I wondered briefly if maybe leaving had affected him as much as it had me. I knew how broken and hurt I was.... maybe it was the same for him.

Mustering the last remaining bit of courage I could find I made my way down the hill, making sure to go unnoticed. I could see through the window of the cafe, although the glass was stained and dirty. Remus was seated in the corner, a cup of hot coffee in front of him, untouched. He just sat there, looking off into space with this haunted look in his eyes that cut me to my very soul.