Unforgivable Lies (Remus Lupin)

IV

Okay, here we go again. I swear I've written the past four chapters in like two days. That must be some sort of personal record. Amyways, I'll just continue with the story. That way you can continue to find out more about Ash and Lupin....

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A werewolf.

A freaking werewolf! As my mind went over that statement over and over, somewhere along the way I must have lost my mind. Because, somehow, I was okay with it. Knowing that Lupin was a Werewolf didn´t change a thing. It didn't matter. In some twisted way, it only made him more relatable. Broken, as I was.

With a past that he had no control over. No one chooses to be a werewolf. And the fact that he hadn't chosen it made me even more aware of Lupins character.

He must be strong. To carry such a burden everywhere he went and try to have a resemblance of a normal life. Knowing that withing you lies the potential of destruction. That through your vein the curse of the moon has taken root and changed your entire life. Every moment of your existence is filled with the opressing knowledge that there is a bloodthirsty monster within you. That the animal seethes just beneath the surface, waiting to be released.

Those where the thoughts running through my mind when I went to sleep that very night. Maybe I was just going crazy, I don't know.

Having gone to bed early, I had hoped to be able to sleep normally, for once. To not be haunted by the nightmares. But of course, fate was never so kind....

Waking up breathing heavily, my heart beating a hundred miles an hour and my voice hoarse from the silent screams that tormented me with every nightmare, all I could think about was the fear. The numbing sensation that gripped me every time I had a nightmare. That moment in which my blood seemed to turn into ice and my whole body would freeze, my muscles aching with the need to flee, my mind screaming for me to run.....

And then it would be over. I'd be somewhere else entirely, my surroundings changing from one moment to the next, and I would be running. The ground dissappearing underneath me and the wind whipping around me as I fled. Because I was fleeing. Running. Trying to hide. Feeling as if I was being chased. As if the devil himself was hot on my heels. Still scared. Still terrified. Only now I was running away from the danger. Speeding away from the haunting thoughts, the painful memories. Trying to get away from it all.

This would happen nearly every time the nightmares got too bad. Once I got to the point where the fear was so overwhelming it became unbearable, my dreams would change. It didn't take away my fear, but it did provide me with the means to escape. Or at least try to.

Shaking my head I tried to make it go away, to chase away the last remnants of the nightmare and truly be awake.

Dressing warmly for the day I wasn't exactly sure as to what to do with ny newly aquired knowledge. But first.things first. Heading down to the Great Hall my stomach rumbled and I was happy to enjoy a good breakfast. It was still early, and I was suprised to see that the only one seatedbat the table was no other than Bill Weasley.

"Morning" I muttered as I poured myself some coffee and grabbed some toast.

"Good morning" Bill answered, smiling as he watched me grab some eggs and bacon.

"Your name's Ashlynn, right?" he asked suddenly, looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

"I'm Bill" he said,as I nodded in response to his question.

"So why are you staying here over the hollidays?" he asked out of the blue after several minutes of silence.

"I...." I wasn't sure what to answer "I normally stay here during Christmas. There's not much for me to go home to"