harry
as much as i want her back, i feel as though i cannot give her what she wants. and at the moment, i can't support her. in a sense, i feel jealous of cal. the amount of time he spends with her. everything he has done to make sure she's okay, picking up the pieces i broke. so i know it is my time to move on and today is a chance to regain my confidence - filming another blind dating video.
two girls have already been and we sit around, jittering in our seats after all switching around. "right, close your eyes. no peeking." kon yells as we all turn away, covering our eyes with our fingertips, listening to footsteps across the floor. "right, ready." kon exclaims, preparing to start filming.
"i'm lily, i'm 24 and i'm from manchester." the unknown girl exclaims. but i cock my head slightly, listening in close as i sit in between jj and josh and behind vik and tobi. i furrow my eyebrows slightly, not thinking anything of it until she asks the first question. "what would your last words be before you die?" she questions. "boy number 1?". why do i recognise that voice?
"mine would be uh, yo you guys wanna see a dead body." simon replies, causing a laughter to emerge from jj.
"number 2?" she asks, her voice now bothering me.
"oh fuck, can't believe you've done this." josh responds.
"oh, so are you going to get murdered?" she questions, giggling slightly. there's something about that laugh.
"i mean, yeah probably." josh shrugs his shoulders.
"okay, interesting." she drags out, "number 3?"
"avenge me!" vik yells in a deep voice, causing all of us to look at one another awkwardly.
"erm, okay." she softly laughs, "number 4?" my turn. i breathe in.
"erm. mine would be, did you get it on camera at least?"
"okay, okay." she responds, "that's interesting." as she goes through the rest of the boys, she exclaims that she's saying bye to number 6. jj.
"what, what?" he yells, "wait, please." he almost cries, but she insists on saying bye to him. he sighs with a shocked expression, walking around the board between us to greet 'lily'. "oh." he's completely taken aback, "hi." jj mutters.
"hi." she replies, i can almost feel her smile through the screen. he walks back around, looking at us all with wide eyes and a tense expression, all of us insisting he begs to stay in, but he refuses.
after asking more questions, i find myself in the last two with tobi. somehow making me feel confident, even though my replies to her questions have been stinky. each time the lads have returned from introducing themselves to her, they look at one another with furrowed eyebrows and slightly shocked appearances.
"if you could make anything free, what would it be?" she asks.
"if i could make anything free, what would it be?" i repeat her question, pondering as i lean forwards on the stool and josh whispers an answer in my ear. "oh yes!" i exclaim, "female sanitary products and tampons and stuff like that. no woman should have to pay for that stuff." i confidently brush off my shoulders, thanks to josh.
"okay, okay. that's good. i definitely agree." she responds. her fucking voice. i can't wait to see why it's getting to me so much. "number five?"
"free therapy sessions for the girls we put through these video's." tobi responds.
"i erm, i think i really liked number 4." she speaks to the camera, as tobi turns behind me to fist bump me.
"so this is who you're saying bye to." tobi quickly gets up, strolling over to her. "hi," he waves, "oh fuck. hi." what was that greeting? i get up behind him as he sits back down and i nervously walk behind the screen. i'm instantly shocked at who i'm faced with.
