Eyes of Emerald

Chapter Forty (2)

The storm thrashed like a wild beast above, shooting bolts of lightning across the sky so it felt like we were on a stage, strobe lighting flashing. I tried to pretend I was, that the screams were just acting, that the bodies under my feet were just dummies.

            I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't.

            With every staggering step I took, the light inside me seemed to sputter. My insides plunged into the freezing cold of the night. And the fire inside me just kept sputtering, kept trying to relight itself, until finally it went out.

            I stopped and sank to the ground, narrowly missing an axe that came flying out of nowhere. I wanted to take a hot iron to my brain and burn away every memory of this. I didn't want to remember, I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to kill my father.

            Iris turned in slow motion and yelled something at me, probably to get up and move before I got killed with a few choice swear words thrown in. But I couldn't get up, not if it meant having to kill again. I'd done it before, and I didn't want to have to go through it again. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

            The air felt like it was crushing me. When did everyone become so tall? Why did they look like monsters? A part of me realised that I was shaking, shaking so hard I dropped my dagger into the mud.

            People were dying right at this very moment.

            And other people were being made into murderers. Did all the Shades want to kill? Or were they just terrified of Balthazar, just like us? Were they as afraid as us? Would they cry if they survived?

            Iris was pulling me up now, grabbing my arm and pulling so hard it hurt. She screamed something in my face, something I heard but didn't register, her face muddy and her eyes tearful. She was only thirteen. She was too young, too innocent. And it was all my fault that everyone was here, my fault that so many were dying, my fault, my fault, my fault.

            If only I'd just died like I was meant to when Balthazar had put his sword to my neck, maybe the Rebels would still be together, maybe they were still alive, maybe they would still have a chance -

            It was my fault, so I would have to be the one to end this. I would have to be the one to finish this all, to rid the world of evil so nobody would have to die. I would. I would.

            I would make sure Keira was safe, I would make sure Wynn was alive, and I would protect my friends. If I had to die to do it, then so be it. I would do it to keep my friends alive and to change the world from what it was now.

            The world tunnelled around me, the echoes of battle bouncing around in my ears. My leather armour was rubbing in my armpits, the skin red and raw. I concentrated on that pain, wrapped it close and used it as fire, as the air to kindle my flame. I had to light it again. I had to. I would.      

            "Move!" screamed Iris, throwing me to one side with surprising strength then lashing out with her staff, knocking the legs from underneath a Goblin which had been running at us, screaming. I covered my ears and scrambled up, kicking a Shade which had his sword at a young Elemental's neck. He shot me a relieved glance and threw a dragon of fire past my head to burn an attacking Shade. He dived back into battle with a war cry.