Five have fallen

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I sit in stunned silence.

How could you have done this to me,

to all of us?

It was so selfish. 

So cruel.

And we can't bring you back.

Five have fallen under this time,

five souls gone and never coming back.

I've hung the noose so many times,

counted the pills so many times.

And then I've taken a deep breath

and stepped away.

Put down the knife.

Traced the scars, willing them to open up.

And they never have.

I'm so tired.

I want to cut the red wire.

Be consumed by darkness.

See how hell compares to the mortal realm.

I wish.

I don't want any more to fall.

When I hear someone else thinking bad thoughts,

I'm scared. So scared.

But when I think them, I feel nothing at all.

And that's when I know the virus has won.

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