super best boyfriends - a style fanfic - south park

♡︎chapter 8 - sleep♡︎

tw: self harm, slurs, sleep deprivation
(i'm back to doing more of kyle's pov!)
also most of my chapters r gonna be pre written since i just got out of a writers block, also the next chapters are written after he's out of the hospital)
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Kyle's POV:
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My hands are shaking, and so is my breath. My head and eyes hurt and it's 4:30am.

I genuinely don't know if I'm going to sleep tonight. I'm genuinely exhausted. But I have to get this work done. I can feel my fingers trembling and my head spinning.

But I know that I'm just being dramatic. My mom always used to tell me that good grades were the center to life.

I needed them to be successful. I believe that. Living my teenage years is less important. There's probably a party going on at Token's house anyways.

It takes everything in me not to fall asleep. I go down, quietly, making sure not to wake anybody up.

I pull out the coffee machine to make myself some. Usually I don't drink coffee, just because I don't really want to turn out like Tweek. Don't get me wrong. He's super nice.

But that much anxiety is a lot. I continue making it, and bring the whole container upstairs. It was a lot, but I have to stay up.

I need good grades, then I can get into my dream college. I'll be successful. People will like me.

Ive slowly became sleep deprived. I usually study. I think Im slowly breaking. I feel tears flowing out of my eyes.

time skip to morning.
Kenny drives us to school, Stan didn't want to drive since he just got out of the hospital. I didn't sleep at all last night, and overall I'm exhausted.

I didn't have motivation to say anything, or really even talk because of how tired I was. I knew if I even talked, I'd probably snap. That sounds weird but when I'm tired, I get short tempered as fuck.

Nobody really knows that about me. I'm the kind of person who hides things until they have to tell.

Stan immediately goes over to Wendy to kiss her.
"Oh my god! Babe your back, I missed you!" She exclaims.
"I missed you too!"

I storm off. I feel as if my blood is boiling. Why is he still with her?!? Why do I have to be a faggot?!! Why can't Stan love me.

Why. Why. WHY.

The bitch doesn't even care about him! Why can't he see that.
skip past this part if self harm triggers you.
Tears stream down my face as I run to the bathroom. I pull out my box cutter and slide it across my thighs, wincing at the pain.

That hurt like shit. I don't really care, as I deserve it. I'm such a bad friend. Since I really do love him, I could never tell him I like him.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, and he's been my best friend for like 14 years.

I look down, realizing how many cuts I have. Class starts in 5 minutes. I began to panic, I get up, not caring to dry the blood, and run to class.

Boy was that a mistake.

I'm so exhausted. I sit in class, and I zone out. I was thinking about how cute Stan is. He's just so perfect. I love his beautiful blue eyes, his raven hair, and everything about him.

I care about him deeply.

I slowly fall asleep, and don't realize until my eyes flutter open. I look over at Stan who was tapping my shoulder.

"Dude, you slept the whole class."

I gasped in shock. I slept the whole class.

"Are you okay? Usually you don't sleep that long."

I nod. I'm exhausted. I know it's stupid but I can barely walk from how tired I am.

Loves so strong..it makes me feel so weak.

I wish Stan loved me. I'm waiting for the day where Stan tells me he loves me, even though I know it'll never happen.

I sit here waiting as if it would ever happen. I stand up to get to my next class, my eyes beginning to flutter closed.

Fuck. I CANT SLEEP. I have school. And just because I'm sleepy as shit doesn't mean anything.

As I'm stumbling through the halls, they begin to clear out, signaling that class is about to start.

I panic as I see Cartman.

"Hey fag."

Cartman knew. He always has. I told him in 8th grade, and that's why we aren't friends anymore.

It turns out he's more homophobic then I thought.

flashback.

Kyle approaches Cartman. They were at a sleepover. It was time to play truth or dare.

"Okay Kahl. Truth or Dare?"
"Um..Truth I guess."
"What's your darkest secret?"
"I'm not telling you fatsass!"
"Just tell me Kahl."
"Fine..I'm gay."

Kyle still regrets telling him. It's his biggest regret. He hates that he would ever tell him. After he swore he would never tell another person he was gay. He bottled it up for years after.
Flashback end.

My only reminders that I was gay were Stan and Cartman.

I knew that people would support me, but there was always a pit in my chest, as if nobody would support me. Maybe I would get hatecrimed.

I surely wouldn't want that. I do deserve it though. So I bottled it up, and hid in the closet. Now I'm a sophomore, it's still bottled up.

I know my dad is supportive..but who knows about my mom.

What would she do?

That's why I'm still in the closet. Somehow the fatass that has been bullying me since freshman year is the only one who knows, which hurts me.

I would kill to date Stan.

"Earth to jew-fag!"

Cartman says, before slapping me. He kicks me over.
I try to fight back. I punch him. I kick him. But he's much bigger.

He watches me bleed on the ground. I was unable to move.

Suddenly Stan walks over as Cartman runs off.
"Holy shit Kyle! Who did this to you?!?"

That's all I remember..then it goes black.

omg tysm for all the support! it's unbelievable 🥺💞 88 views is crazy! :))
-kane <3
time spent: a week
word count: 1046