Ravens and Crows

Chapter 34 ~Ronan~

I coughed as ash tickled the back of my throat.

I sat up against the protests of my aching muscles and took in the scene in front of me.

After which, I automatically wished I hadn't.

It was all gone. The air was grey with ashes and the area in front of us was barren of the forest that once stood in its place.

I pushed myself to my feet, stumbling forward. "No..."

Behind me, there was a cough and I turned to see Wylan slowly getting up off the ground. "What-?" His eyes caught sight of the destruction in front of us and his voice died in his throat.

Jesper got up from his spot to my left and walk over to me. "I'm so sorry," he said softly, resting a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head.

It couldn't be over.

Not like this.

Not now.

Please.

A tear escaped my eyes. "Why-" I cleared my throat. "Why would she do this?"

"She was a merchant selling jurda parem," Wylan said. "She didn't want people to be able to get her product somewhere else for free."

"Even if it meant saving Grisha's minds," Jesper mumbled in disgust.

"So that was all this was?" I wanted to be angry. I wanted to get so pissed that I could've burned the damned forest down myself, but I couldn't seem to get angry. I was just sad and desperate and tired. Tired of fighting and winning only long enough to get comfortable with what I had so it could hurt just that much more when it was taken again. "I lost my way home because someone wanted money?"

"Money corrupts." Wylan said, as if speaking from experience. "People will do insane and inhuman things to keep their power."

"Can't you fix it?" Jesper asked. "Didn't you make the first one?"

I shook my head. "There's not enough energy here. Not without the forest; not without Adam."

Adam.

Oh God. I had promised him. I had promised him I would be back.

I should be back.

If I would've gone back like I was supposed to, I'd be home now. In the Barns, eating breakfast with Opal and Adam, Chainsaw cawing the background because she wasn't getting any food.

But I couldn't take it back, and I didn't regret helping the Dregs. I just felt guilty; I let Adam down.

I never wanted to let Adam down.

I'd let Gansey down before. I know I did, and I hated when it happened. But with Adam, I wanted things to be different. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be able to look him in the eye any day of the week and be assured that he was willing to look back.

But now I'd done it.

Now I'd let Adam down.

"You could at least try," Wylan offered. "Maybe you could dream something else that could bring you back home."

I shook my head again, but walked forward deeper in to the forest despite my doubts. I laid down and closed my eyes.

Quaeso ut mihi in domum suam.

I pushed through my mind all I had to the ashes of the forest. Every weird part of me that made me do what I could do, that connected me with Cabeswater and the ley line the way it did.

And when I opened my eyes, the world around me was glowing.