Ravens and Crows

Chapter 21 ~Adam~

After school I found myself, not heading for my job, but up the hill to The Barns. I don't know why, Ronan wouldn't get back for two, maybe three more days and finals were approaching so studying should've been my main focus.

I didn't have a key to the Barns, though I knew where the spare was, so I went around back and started to the forest, and to Cabeswater.

To my surprise, Gansey was already there, changing the color of the fish in the pound in front of him.

"Hey," I greeted.

"What do you think; Koi fish or rainbow trout?" He asked. I didn't have to look at the bags under his eyes to know he'd slept just as much as Ronan had the last couple days.

"Koi would be an interesting touch," I pondered

The fish turned into Koi and Gansey turned to face me. "Did you know?"

I waited a second, thinking this was going to be a time where he spurted out a random fact about birds or Europe. But when no fact came I said, "Know what?"

"That I was going to die?"

I froze. I knew Gansey had figured it out, but we'd never really brought up the fact that others of us knew too. Was he mad I didn't tell him? I really didn't want to argue.

"I'm not mad," Gansey assured, "I was just wondering. I knew, Blue knew, Noah knew, I'm guessing from your reaction you knew."

Everyone knew, I thought, everyone knew but no one said anything.

Everyone but Ronan.

"I wanted to say something," I admitted. "But what do you say for that?"

"What do you want your coffin to look like?" Gansey offered.

I cringed at him.

Gansey cleared his throat and rocked on the balls of his feet. "I know it sounds crazy, but it was kind of freeing, knowing I'd be dead by the end of the year."

I raised my eyebrows. "How?"

"I'm not like you, never have been, and not because of where you started, but because of where you want to end up. I've never imagined myself in a black suit and tie, but with my family I've always felt a little trapped in that future. It sounds sick, I know it does, but I didn't have to worry about it when I was going to die." He touches his lip briefly. "Does that make any sense?"

It did, in a way. I nodded. "I've always wanted to leave. Never in my wildest dreams thought of staying, maybe in nightmares a couple times. But now... it feels just a little bit more like home. And with the Barns and Ronan-I know I still want to go away for college, but after that? Ronan's not going to want to leave-"

"Ronan's not going to want you to hold yourself back from your dreams because of him."

"But how can it be my dream if I don't feel happy when I think of it?"

Gansey shrugged. "I know what you're saying. One decision upsets me, one upsets my family, one upsets Blue...." He let out a deep sigh, "the future is hard."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "Yeah, it is."

There was silence for another moment. Not awkward, just tired somehow.

"He's okay, you know." I finally say knowing Gansey was probably in Cabeswater because it being okay is a sign that Ronan is okay. "I mean, as of last night."

Gansey turned to me, eyebrows raised. "How do you know?"

"I don't know how, but I was able to go into his dream last night. I wasn't scrying or anything, just lying here, in Cabeswater."

"Hm," Gansey fiddled with his bottom lip. "Would you mind if I tried tonight? Just for a little bit, then you can swoop in."

"Are you itching to know what the past is like?" I teased.

"If we were more sure of the process I might have gone with him." Gansey admitted. "Maybe another time."

I smirked. I was pretty sure Ronan would either hate the past with a passion or love it like a vacation home. "We'll have to see. Come on, I've got work to do." And with that we headed out of the forest. As we got back to the Barns, Gansey's phone went off.

He picked it up and answered. "Hello? Oh, hey Helen."

I raised an eyebrow at him. What did Helen want?

"You want to have dinner tomorrow?" Gansey continued talking. "You have friends from where? Oh, no, I'd, uh, love to go. Can I bring Blue? Sure, I'll ask Adam. Ronan? He's a little...busy at the moment. See you tomorrow, bye." He hung up the phone and sighed.

"What was that all about?" I asked finding the spare key and walking into the Barns to get some water instead of back to my car.

"Helen has some college scouts that she helped plan some party for. She arranged a dinner with them so I could talk applications with them. She, and I quote, 'knows I've been a little stumped' with this whole college career thing."

I handed him a glance of water. "That sounds like exactly the type of conversation you want to have."

He sighed. "I should've had Ronan bring me to the past."

I couldn't help the smile on my face. The image of Gansey in the past, mystified by every little detail, writing it all down in his journal.

"Do you want to come?" Gansey asked. "I know you've already applied and stuff, but it can't do any harm."

"Sure, though I should probably be studying." In the back of my head I could see Ronan rolling his eyes and mumbling something along the lines of 'way to get your priorities straight Parrish'.

Sorry for the wait, I'll update again tomorrow! -RW