Ravens and Crows

Chapter 3 ~Ronan~

After we showed everyone their rooms Adam and I walked down stairs. Adam started toward the couch but I didn't follow.

"You commin'?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I'm not dreaming tonight."

His shoulders sagged. "Ronan, this is not your fault."

I nodded. But he was wrong. I made this new Cabeswater. But I must not have made it right if it was so unstable.

"I just don't feel like dreaming. Cabeswater is already tired, I don't want to accidentally bring something out of it."

He nodded and turned toward the couch.

I went outside. Opal was somewhere in the house, Chainsaw was sleeping and the house was quiet, but outside was better. I sat down on the porch with my back against the outside wall.

I messed up, I thought and kept thinking, I messed up again.

I leaned my head back. How could this happen? Cabeswater had never done this before so I must have added something to it by accident.

But what?

I pulled out my phone and texted Gansey. R U up?

I put my phone down hoping not to get a response. I hoped Gansey was sleeping. Maybe in Monmouth, maybe with Blue, but sleeping. Without his phone.

Without my problems.

I keep wondering if I could've done something to save Glendower, or Noah. I made Matthew; I made Opal. But Glendower ended up being a dead end and no ones seen Noah in ages.

I miss that weirdo.

Life was great, mostly. Gansey still looked at me every once in awhile like the disapproving father I never had and Calla and the other voices in my head still found me inhuman. But everything else was pretty good. Declan was even better, well, until I told him I wouldn't actually graduate.

I found myself wondering about Kavinsky sometimes. Man I hated him. But I missed him. Sometimes when I was drifting circles in the dirt I'd think I'd see his white Mitsubishi in the review mirror. But it was never him.

I would never tell Adam or Gansey any of this.

Ding.

I stared at my phone.

No.

I picked up my phone to find Gansey's reply to my text:

Yeah, miss having my insomniac buddy : )

I swallowed. He was not making this any easier. I knew how it would go. The long sigh him and Declan always did  and the disappointed 'Ronan'  that made you want to slam every cabinet in the kitchen at least five times.

But I had to do it.

I called Gansey and he picked up right away.

"What's up?" He asked.

I chewed on my leather bracelets. "I'm sorry,"

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled again.

"Jesus, Ronan, please speak up!"

"I'm sorry!" I cried my voice breaking slightly and I cursed it for being weak. "I'm sorry Gansey."

A moment of silence crossed between us. "What are you sorry about?"

"I fucked up again."

"What do you mean? Did you bring someone out of your dreams again?"

"No, it's Cabeswater."

"What about it?"

"Five people came out of it. They're at the Barns with me and Adam and we're going to Blue's in the morning, but...I'm sorry, Gansey."

"For what?"

"Fucking up!"

"What did you f-mess up?"

"Cabeswater. It never did this before."

Gansey sighed and I knew it was coming. I put my bracelets in my mouth to prepare. "Ronan, this isn't your fault. It's like you said, Cabeswater has been around long before you made it or remade it."

The leather bands fell out of my mouth. "What? Your not mad at me?"

"Of course not. When are you guys going to Fox Way?"

"Around 8:30,"

"See you then," He hung up.

Adam opened the door. "I told you," He said sitting down next to me.

"You eavesdropped on me, asshole."

"You didn't believe me, asshole."

I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I guess I should trust my Harvard student boyfriend."

"They haven't excepted me yet."

"They'd be fucktards not to."

And we sat there; watching the sky and the trees. The sun would be rising in a couple hours.

"Bed time," Adam whispered standing up.

"Boo,"  I groaned letting him drag me back inside.

We laid on the couch. Adam fell asleep quickly but I just watched him sleep. I had told him that I didn't want to sleep and I meant it. I didn't care how many people said it, a dreading part of me knew I was responsible for this.

Adam stirred in his sleep and I nestled my chin on his head.

"Sleep well, Parrish,"