Because of Haven Beach

42 | quatervois

quatervois (n.)

a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life

* * *

MARCH and the beginning of April flew by. Those few weeks were surely the best ones I'd had in years. Every day, I was walking on cloud nine and absolutely nothing could drag me down.

Eli and I spent all of our free time together, either at his house or at mine. And as I pinky promised, I continued going to the gym with him every week. Luckily, he gave up embarrassing me after the manager scolded him about his behavior. I may or may not have filed an anonymous complaint about him disturbing the peace...

We were still in our honeymoon period, but deep down, I knew our bubble of happiness was bound to pop sooner or later.

And, unfortunately, that happened during an Environmental Science class in mid-April.

Eli and I were working on a lab report when a notification dinged on my computer. Not the usual low battery notification, but an email from Revere College.

Initially, I was shocked, considering the fact that I hadn't heard from them since January. I secretly didn't care about their silence anymore. I logically assumed that my spot on the waiting list would turn out to be a rejection, and I decided to not waste my breath worrying about it.

Eli, on the other hand, still had his hopes up and was sure that I would end up going to school with him. He had it all planned out: we could sign up for the required first-year classes and spend time together while doing homework and studying. We wouldn't be allowed to share a dorm at Revere, so he would live with Ben in the athlete dorms. However, sophomore year and onward, Eli and I would rent an apartment in Boston.

While it all sounded perfect, I didn't have the heart to tell him that it would remain a pipe dream. Even if I got accepted (which probably wouldn't happen), I wouldn't be attending Revere. After further examination, I determined that their journalism program was mediocre and wasn't what I was looking for.

In fact, I was secretly hoping that Revere would reject me; it would spare everyone's feelings and make my life so much easier.

So when I saw that email, I crossed my fingers under my desk, praying for a rejection.

What I saw broke my heart in two. I almost laughed at the irony of the situation; less than three months ago, I would have been thrilled to see my acceptance. I would have been ecstatic to have the opportunity to attend college with Eli. But, instead, I was terrified of telling Eli that I didn't want to go to Revere.

Eli. Fuck, what would I tell him? How would one even go about telling their boyfriend that they didn't want to go to school with him?

Dread crept into me, followed closely by denial. I mean, there were less than two weeks until the acceptance deadline. Why would they contact me so last minute? The email must have been some sick joke.

I reread the email. It was real. I read it again. Still real. A third time. Still fucking real.

I stared at the words, wishing for them to change; wishing for the admissions office to send another email, apologizing for their mistake and informing me that I was supposed to receive a rejection. I desired for most students' worst nightmare to become my reality.