Noona [Ateez]

The USB Dilemma

Tuesday
6:20 pm

Bosam's Point of View

"I-I gotta go." I said, trying to pull away from Jiho's hug. I didn't want to hear this.  I didn't need to hear this.

But he held me there. "Bosam-ah... he misses you," he repeated, making me shake my head and try to tug away harder. "Jiho- let me go, I have to go." I said, my palms pushing against his firm chest, to no avail. His arms were locked tightly around my waist, keeping my in his tight, forceful embrace

"I know you don't want to hear this but... he really does Bosam. He feels awful, he never forgave himself-" he continued, but I interrupted him.

"Shut up! Shut up!" I said, raising my voice. My hands balled up into fists and I started to pound them against his chest in a pathetic attempt to get him to stop. I stopped thinking at that point. Something in my brain switched, and my fight or flight response kicked in: if I had to run away, kicking and screaming, hurting my best friend in the process, I'd have done it. I just... I wasn't ready to hear that.

But Jiho only shook his head. "I.. I can't Bosam. I can't stay quiet about this anymore. I have to be a better friend to both of you. And this is the first step."

I stared down at the black USB in my hand.

"He wanted you to have this. He gave it to me... almost a year ago, but I couldn't find the strength to do this back then." He said, finally letting me go, and digging into his pocket before pulling out a small, black USB flashdrive with the letter "B" written on it with white-out.

"What is it?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me for a second before I shook my head. "Nevermind! I don't want to know. I don't want it." I said, waving my hands dismissively, refusing to take the drive.

"A song. He wrote you a song. Please just... listen to it. Whatever you do afterwards is your choice but at least take it."

Why did I take the damn flashdrive? A voice inside of me was telling me to get home, stick it in a computer, and listen to the stupid song, but a louder, angrier voice was telling me to chuck the USB out the window, and never talk to Jiho again.

Leaving Rowoon's father... was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I loved him. I really did, and we used to be so happy together. But things are never that easy, are they?

When he made his decision, I convinced myself that it was for the best. That it could've never worked out. That if he made the choice he made, it was because he never truly loved me. So I forgave him for having lied to me every time he said he loved me, and I moved on. I tried my best to never think of him again, and I was now, believe it or not pretty happy a few years later.

So why now? Why were the memories of him coming back to me now? First with Yunho, and now because of Jiho's stupid "I need to be a good friend" resolution.

The mere possibility that he might regret his decision... that maybe, just maybe we could've stayed together, and been a happy family... it broke me. I didn't know how he felt, and that only made things worse. All I knew is that "he misses me" and that he wrote me a song. So... if I just listen to this, I'll have my answer. I'll know how he feels.

But will the answer really change anything? It won't... will it? My indecisiveness was killing me.

"Can you stop here for a second? I'll be right back." I said to the taxi driver. After what had just happened with Jiho, I didn't even want to get in the same car as them, so I called a cab to take me home, rather than letting them drop me off.