Noona [Ateez]

Make It Right Pt.2

The next day
Bosam's Point of View

I didn't really get to sleep last night, but I kind of brought that upon myself. It's okay, though. I did it. I figured out my feelings.

If I'm honest with myself, I do feel something for Jiho. Something more than just friends. I always thought he was handsome, and now being single, I guess I also let my heart open up and see all of his charms in a different light. He's so caring and sweet, but always keeps this cool manliness to him. He has a bad boy air to him that makes me shy and on edge. In a way, he makes me feel younger, as if I was still a high school student. Maybe that's one of the things that draws me to him. I didn't really get to behave like a high school student. My dad died when I was 15, when my siblings had already moved out, so I had to grow up quickly to look after my mom. When I'm with Jiho, I feel like I can be a dongsaeng again. Like I can be vulnerable and depend on him... because he'll take care of me.

But you know what else I realized last night? That despite how I may feel... Jiho will always be my ex's best friend first. They knew each other way before they met me, and, while in a way it may be unfair for us, I still fell in love with my ex first, and dated him first. Even if we're not together anymore, I still know it'll hurt him if his best friend and his ex started dating. It's wrong. I don't want to make that decision consciously. I'm surprised Jiho is willing to do that to him... maybe he just hasn't thought about it. But that's why we need to talk. I need to put a stop to this.

That's why I asked him to meet up with me. While dating my ex, I discovered a lot of places that were willing to offer private rooms away from the rest of the customers, for celebrities to date secretly. So I decided to ask him to meet me in one of the cafes my ex and I used to frequent, so we could talk over some breakfast, in a private, neutral setting.

I inwardly sighed when he walked into the private room. He looked adorable. He was dressed in a black, oversized sweater, a white button-up peeking out from under the hem, gray, black jeans, and a cute, gray beanie with a fluffy pompom sat atop his head. He was dressed for a casual date, looking all cuddly. I wanted to hug him so badly, but that would only make this more difficult. 

"Hey, coconut. Is everything okay? You look tense." He said, sitting in front of me. I looked away a bit as his intense gaze settled on my features and he gently reached out to stroke my cheek. "You didn't get any sleep last night, did you?" he asked, making me look at him, surprised that he was able to tell. He smiled a bit at that and pinched my cheek lightly. "You can't hide things from me, nutty. I know you too well." he reminded me, making me look down. 

Of course. He's my best friend, it makes sense that he notices these things...

I can't believe I might lose him.

"Sh-should we order?" I asked, too nervous to bring up the reason I called him here. But Jiho leaned forward over the table and took my hands in his, looking into my eyes. "Nutty, if you're embarrassed over last night, don't be. I'm kind of relieved that you ran out. We were moving way too fast. Don't worry, darling, we can take it slow. I know it can feel kind of natural to skip certain steps with the way things developed between us, but like I said, I still want to do things right. Let's get married before we cross that line. Let's date for a while before getting married. There's no pressure, we can take our time. You don't need to worry, okay?" He said with a sweet smile, looking into my eyes.

I felt my heart break. Jiho was already thinking that far ahead with us? He's loved me for a long time... I guess in moments like this, it shows. But damn does it hurt, and makes this a thousand times harder.

"Jiho..." I said, looking down, feeling my eyes stinging with tears. Fuck, how was I supposed to do this? Hurt Jiho in order to not hurt my ex? That felt wrong too...