Gone

10.

'Gone 4: Should I cry with happiness that I got her back or cry because my presence is slowly killing her? She is hospitalised and I couldn't do anything. I always wanted to be the best so I was impatient and always nervous. Comparison with others have become routine. My desire to become someone I am not made me angry and irrational. But then, looking back, in fact I do not think I wanted to be the best. I wanted to be upset and touched. I wanted to be with her and take away her sadness and pain. What good came out of it? I ended up traumatizing her. Caught in a lie. Take me out of this hell. I can't free myself from this pain. Save the me who's being punished.'

"Are you going to roam like this the whole night?", I asked Ye Jun in my sleepy voice.

He has not taken a single minute break after we came to the hospital. Kang su was admitted before we came here and so we didn't got a chance to meet her. We are sitting infront of the operation theatre and it's around mid night now.

"Come and sit. Everything will be fine," I patted the seat next to me in the corridor.

"Why this happened so suddenly? Few days ago she was alright but--"

"I said everything will be fine. Trust me. I know Kang su, she is my brave girl," I smiled hopefully and he sat next to me.

I am also worried for Kang su but I don't want any negative energy to reside in us. My heart is also beating with stress and am feeling dizzy but my eyes need to be open wide enough to keep me awake.

I opened my phone and had thirty four missed calls and seventeen messages from mom. I want to answer it but I'm scared. Scared that it'll destroy my present. Her voice is so unheard in the chaos but shouldn't I ignore it too? I switched off my phone.

"Dhriti everything will be fine, right?", He asked in a sad voice. His muscles held loose and body felt weak.

I nodded, "just sleep. You'll feel better."

He closed his eyes and head rested on my shoulders, "sleep doesn't help when it's your soul that's tired."

I choked on air.

"Uff! One is this guy sitting beside me who speaks nonsense which goes above my head and the other one caged in pages regrets for something which probably never happened. Like, who the hell is so sorrowful? And if you love someone so badly but can't get her then go and listen some romantic playlist. Simply," I blew some air and looked around.

"Hey!", I called a worker who was cleaning the window.

She looked back and pointed her fingers at herself, "me?"

"Yes", I glanced at her attire, "why are you cleaning the windows at this hour? Don't you have to go home?"

"There is nothing to do at home so why to waste time?", She replied and continued with her job.

Must be an OCD patient or a psychopath. I wonder why I always have an encounter with mentally sick people.

"Maybe because I am a psycho too!", I mumbled and laughed at myself.

I closed my eyes and everything was clearly heard. Not even a single pin dropped. The only thing audible was Ye Jun's breathing pattern. I gazed at him and smiled in relaxation. What makes me proud about him is that he cried, he suffered but never gave up on life. He never gave up on happiness. Where as I....blades are still in my pocket. It's just so easy to end a life.

"But I need the courage to dug dip in my veins. Wait...did I just said courage? I meant cowardly gut," I laughed again. I doubt if my mental health is going good.

I turned my eyes to my left to look at the baby bear.

"Ye Jun?", I asked softly.

"Hmm," he mumbled with eyes still closed.