𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 | 𝚜.𝚛

𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆...

I love you...

In such a familiar way that I am at peace in your rejection

I don't long for your touch anymore

But there will always be a spare thought

That compares his hand to yours; 

It seems that I can't move on without comparing everything you did to him

He's not you

And I'm not the 'her'...

____

• YOU •

'I love you' was the first thing he used to tell me when I was to first wake up and I would always reply to him with a kiss on his cheek. Though he used to always turn his head to meet my lips, which would end up with me scolding him on how I haven't brush my teeth yet, and in his response, he would hand me my coffee he had made and waited until I took a sip to then give me another kiss on the lips.

It was mornings like those that I truly miss, no care in the world, no world to care about, just us, only us.

We always moved around each other in sync, we were in harmony, which was what Penelope use to tell us.

Everything was 'perfect' to say the least

We loved each other

He love(d) me 

And I loved him

But the thing is

I couldn't ever pinpoint the start of where it all went wrong

Was it the first night where he yelled at me for putting his book in the wrong spot on the bookshelf?

Or the last night where he wish I was her, dead on the ground rather than alive?

We would meet in the hallway and give each other a blank stare with regret and guilt laced in them

I never apologized to him first because it wasn't my fault

He knew it was it

He knew

He knew everything

While I know nothing

There are so many things I don't know

So why do I hurt?

Why do these little voices in my head talk back at me?

Why mus he hurt me more?

He's not here anymore

I'm not here anymore...

Where do you lie now that you're not here next to me?

How do you sleep at night knowing of the sins you've committed?

How did you sleep next to me so peacefully knowing you were just on the phone with her?

And now that she is out of the picture, you killed me too.

So now that I'm dead, how do you sleep at night knowing that I'm right behind you, watching your every move like a ghost?

How do you sleep knowing that you've lost me forever?

But I guess you've filled that bitter hole in your once sweet heart with a married woman

I guess you dream peacefully at night while I'm plagued with nightmares of you