𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 | 𝚜.𝚛

𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 P.1

A/N:
I keep changing the povs, I'm so sorry lmao I'm gonna keep it in the first pov
___

the BAU...

my home away from home

though the one person who always made this place not feel so dull and grey only made my heart hurt

each time I look at him I only get these burst of regret and sadness

I get this feeling that I could somehow prevent our break up

prevent this separation

prevent the person who owned half of my heart to crush it into dust

and to do it once more even though I know we aren't together

so why must I feel so hooked to him
so why do I feel the need to feel him
so why do I feel the need to touch him, his warmth, his smile, his hair, his voice...
he broke me
he broke my heart
my well being to love again

and seeing Jennifer being all touchy with Reid was a new point of low for me

it broke me

after all the healing my heart broke and with that my abduction adds on to it

night is the worst time for me, I can't sleep

the nightmares get to real
I always end up calling Reid's name only for him not to be there

he would've helped me through the nightmares

but he can't and he won't

he's never called or tried to contact me
for two months

I should hate him

not always wanting to be with him

he hurt me

so why do I want to still be in his presence

he gave me the cold shoulder

he ignored me

he treated me like I was nothing to him

he gave his attention to Jennifer

Jennifer indulged him

she used spencer

she cheated on her husband

she cheated on her family

she dismissed me as her friend

she didn't keep my feelings in check

she didn't think how this would affect me...

I have to face the two people who I held so close to my heart and called family, I can't even look at them without feeling so much agony

____

when I entered the bau I didn't go straight to the bullpen

I went to meet up with Hotch

he's the only reason why I'm back
he called me here for an assignment

I did that assignment
I got abducted for it
they solved it

the new york office didn't want me to no more because hotch told them my services won't be needed there anymore

for what reason ... I don't know

it didn't make sense to me

but I didn't care for that