Sunflower (HS) *PAUSED*

8

Dianthe

"I'm so sorry Rosie..."

She leaves my room, leaving me to grieve.

My eyes are wide open and my throat is dry.

I go to the washroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

I shed a tear and immediately wipe it away.

Your fault.

No one else's.

You're the one who came to come to New York.

If you didn't they would've stayed at home.

Safe.

You're a murderer.

You are a murderer.

I look at myself in the mirror and start pulling my hair.

I run back to the room and quickly pack my bags. I turn my phone on and book the next flight to home.

I hope the plane crashes.

I'm a murderer.

-

I'm a murderer.

I bolt up, sweating and I look around myself.

Shit. Harry's car.

Luckily he's still sleeping in the front.

I turn on my phone and see it's 7:26 in the morning.

I can't wake him up yet. It's too early.

I calm myself down a bit, and lift the blanket off of me, trying to get rid of the sweat building up.

I stay like this for 5, 10 minutes, I don't know.

I can't go back to sleep.

The words repeat in my head over and over again like they have been for the past four years, every week.

You're a murderer.

It's your fault.

They would be alive right now if you weren't selfish.

I wince quietly at the words and squeeze my eyes shut.

Bad idea.

All I can see is the three of them looking so mad and disappointed in me.

My head hurts as it starts spinning.

No no no. I can't have this happen right now. There's someone else here.

I grab onto the blanket, clutching it hard, and I take deep, shaky breaths.

Murderer.

My fault.

I'm selfish.

I start speeding up my breaths, trying not to be loud, not wanting to wake up Harry.

If he does, just say that you get anxious when you don't sleep in your bed.

He can't know.

He'll tell everyone.

Including Anna.

So shut the fuck up, and stop crying.