Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

18

Did I offer myself to soon?

For days there has been this thought inside my head, that I couldn't seem to grasp, couldn't seem to decipher.

I believed to be on cloud nine by now, dreaming and begging for Niall's presence around me. Instead I felt dirty, powerless. I loved it too much, the way he had handled me. It wasn't what I had in mind. We still haven't talked about how this would continue or what there was to expect. I didn't know a slightest bit about my professor to be precise, just his name and where he lived. What did he expect from our encounters? Surely there has to be something more in it for him, a man like him would never be just intrigued by sex.

So what was it?

Asking him was impossible in these rooms, where anyone could be able to hear us and spread the secret. I would have to wait until Saturday.

How could I have given in so easily? I still wondered. This wasn't a good and healthy start, not when I didn't know what was going to happen next. Was I his plaything? Ready for him whenever he pleased? Or was I his little "business" he deals with on the weekend when he went home.  Was that what he told his colleagues? Either way, we had to talk about it and if he didn't, I would. Or the uncertainty would break me.

"Hey, are you listening?"

A hushed voice interrupted my thoughts. It was Hannah, a concerned look on her face.

We were in the middle of the lecture, Dr. Reid standing near the blackboard and showing something on his presentation that was projected onto the white wall behind him.

Come on angel, tell me. What is it that made you loose focus?

I heard him saying, whispering those words he had said to me weeks ago.

He was playing with me, even when wasn't here, probably sitting in his office and not sparing me a single thought while I couldn't do anything else. Again, Hannah called my name, this time waving her hand before of my eyes.

"What is going on with you, are you okay?"

I landed into reality, nodding. There was no way she knows what is happening but I was still starting to feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

"Yes, why are you asking?"

Harry wasn't present and we were alone, I guessed because he slept in again.

"You are so distant sometimes, so quiet."

You're quiet.

"Maybe it's because of work. And I didn't get much sleep the last days. Do we have a full moon?" I asked her, jotting down some notes from Dr. Reid's presentation.

"Why do you ask me, I sleep like a bear. Whether it's full moon or new moon." Hannah giggled, cleaning her glasses with the hem of her red sweater. It had little reindeers on them.

"Man, I am so happy Dr. Reid does this last lecture before the holidays and next week's lecture is cancelled. My fragile Christmas mood cannot be diminished by Dr. I-hate-everyone-that-is-not-as-great-as-I-am."

In my case, "Dr. I-hate-everyone-that-is-not-as-great-as-I-am" diminished more than my holiday spirit. But I got what my friend meant.

"You never know, maybe he celebrates Christmas in a Christmas jumper with fuzzy socks and hot chocolate." I joked, imagining Niall with his piercing blue eyes, cheeks red because of the heat of his clothes and a hot chocolate in his hand. Did he spend the holidays alone? He must have parents, a family he was going to visit. Right?

"As if. Please, that's something our cute Spencer Reid would do." She rolled her eyes at my words, pointing discretely at our professor who started to smile into the audience this second. Point proven.