Let Me Adore You (N.H.)

26

The way home was more of a glitch, as I was deeply sunken in my thoughts. All of my surroundings becoming one blur, not interesting enough to be recognised by me. Music was playing, yet I didn't understand a single word.

I was here and also far away. Far away where I shouldn't be.

I got lost. And I hated it. No, I despised it.

I never got lost, it wasn't in me. I was the one who always had a plan, always knew what I had to do. I always knew where I had to go. It was one of my traits many people I met throughout my life admired me for.

Now this time, I got lost in my thoughts. It all derailed that day in the library when we met on the small staircase. All this time before, I had it in control. Like I always did. I always had everything in control. But I had to make a move, or I could've never experienced the situations we had shared the last two, almost three months. My life would've been boring, an endless circle.

Normally I loved being alone, it was less stressful.

Not anymore. This time, I got lost in it. This time, it was bad. Even though it was bad, I saw it as a reward for all my hard work, for the past years of struggle.

Someone out there appreciated what I did, saw how I longed for someone to challenge me. To distract me from my sometimes harsh view on myself and others. And damn, I was definitely challenged. I was thrown back one day only to be pulled into a warm embrace the next. I was challenged as to how much I could show of me without giving myself away.

This morning was just another proof of that theory, another sweet gift. This whole liaison was a sweet gift to me, how could I say no? The touch and looks we shared, the teasing words, hot as the moans and groans, as the sweat running down our backs, as the orgasms we shared. What I felt was natural, not forced or purely sexual. At the beginning I thought it would, declaring it as a relationship based on lust and need. Doing something I never did in that matter. It turned out to be so much more. It fulfilled me in a way I would never admit to anyone. I would never admit it, I thought again, after I reached my destination, wondering how I got here so fast.

Especially not to her.

She could never know what she accomplished in such a short time, it might only complicate things.

And I didn't need complications.

I walked up the stairs to my house, already bothered by the fact she wasn't trailing behind me, completely captivated by the surroundings, the plants and trees. Nobody was as enthusiastic about my home as she was.

I bet if you would post a picture of it on pinterest, it would be all over the internet in hours.

Who says that? There was not one person I think would react like she did.

She was unaltered, no filters, no role she tried to play. She treated me the same since day one, even after I approached her. With her in my thoughts and in my rooms, in my car and in my office, I didn't feel rushed or pressured to be the one she wanted.

Sure, I tried everything to be the most real and best version of me to her anyone would ever get to see, but she made no demands.

I put my keys inside the bowl next to the door, pulling my shoes off my feet.

At first, I feared she would be too much for a simple man like I was. A man in my position, in my circumstances. And she was and still is.

She was talking, teasing, laughing, explaining, shouting, joking, the full program. She never stopped. Plus she never stopped looking at me with her beautiful eyes, luring me in, calling me and making me think about things I normally didn't had time for.