Upon the Gaze (Ghostface X Reader 18+)

CHAPTER 26 - We Don't Say I Love You's

I heard the chirping of birds as I came to consciousness, and immediately regretted opening my eyes, as I felt the pounding of a migraine taking over my head. I closed my eyes again and groaned, rolling over only to be met with something soft and warm. Opening them once more, I saw Ghostface sleeping soundly beside me. The longer I stared the more I felt the heat rising to my cheeks. His top half was bare, which likely meant his bottom was...? I lifted the blanket slightly, peeking below. I felt both relieved but also disappointed upon seeing his briefs. I looked back up to his face, and listened to his peaceful breathing. I began to think back through the memories of yesterday. The hang over was making it difficult to process. I pinched the bridge of my nose, and for whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was the scent of saline.
That was enough. My eyes shot open. I slowly rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.
"....what am I going to tell her." I said quietly outloud to myself. "...then again...she probably already knows." I was thinking of my mother. Would it be obvious...that I killed him? He didn't die until she asked me to go visit him? I had been acting weird the last time I spoke with her in person too. But surely she wouldn't catch on to that, right? My mother was dimwitted. That's how I always thought of her. She had a pretty face, and passion that lead her to get what she wanted, but she wasn't bright. She was stupid. My hands clenched the blanket. This was her fault. All her fault. I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have killed him if she hadn't made me go see him. Maybe he would have died naturally? Maybe I wouldn't potentially have people out for my arrest if I would have just let him die a natural cause. But wait...he was just sleeping before right? He could have pulled the mask off, waking up in a disoriented state right? And nobody saw me go in. Nobody was in the front lobby, and I didn't see any cameras in the halls. So I was good, right?
I continued to stare at the ceiling, not noticing cerulean blue eyes now staring at me. "Are you thinking about yesterday?" His voice caught me off guard, but rather than being startled I simply nodded.
"Hey...it'll be okay, baby." His hand reached over to gently pull my face towards his. I went from anxious thoughts to feeling as though my heart was melting. Baby. He called me baby. He's given me pet names before, but prior they felt more for teasing rather than for comfort. His tone made his words feel special. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, and blinked sleepily, still half awake, trying to keep his eyes on mine.
Without even thinking, three words slipped from my mouth...
"I love you."
His eyes no longer appeared sleepy, and once I realized what I had just said, I too was fully awake. I quickly sat up, trying to think of how to take back what I said.
"I-I'm sorry, I don't know why- I didn't realize what I was saying- I wasn't thinking, it just came out!" My face was burning and I wanted to hide myself away. He still had a surprised expression as he slowly sat up beside me. I wanted to cover my face, but I also needed to analyze the expression he was giving me. I had to know what was going through his mind.
He looked away from me. His expression seemed to dampen slightly. My own mood dropped. It looked like he was forcing a smile. I was worried.
He suddenly reached his hand up, and I flinched slightly as it raised above my head. My eyes squeezed shut. However, when his hand came down, it gently tussled my messy, morning hair. My eyes opened again gradually. His face was now close to mine, and his eyes were directly staring into my own.
"...we don't say I love you's in this house."
He stated it simply, slightly sternly, though seemingly trying to come off as less harsh. I felt my heart throb in a painful way.
Did he not love me...?
I knew what I said wasn't right for the moment, but I truthfully wasn't prepared for the reaction he gave me. I frowned and simply nodded. I looked away from him.
"I'm gonna get up now..." I said, then scooted off the bed. I grabbed my phone and an oversized jacket that was hanging off the back of my desk chair. I made my way out of the room in silence. I wrapped myself in the jacket, trying to keep warm from the morning cold. As I came to the dining room table I checked my phone.
No missed calls...
Maybe she didn't know yet?
I grabbed my pack of cigarettes from the table, pulling one out of the cartridge with my lips, then flicking the lighter and wrapping my hand around the flame so it burned the end evenly. I inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet nicotine. Then closed my eyes as I exhaled. Suddenly the tears came. I sobbed silently, leaning slightly over the table.