marvel oneshots

parker | heavy without you ( a )

summary - death is heavy on your mind this christmas season, but it's even heavier on peters.

word count - 1.8k

Peter Parker had changed you in all of the best ways. He brought a smile to your lips, a tug to your heart, and a flicker of hope to the days that felt daunting. Before the coalition of Spiderman joining alongside the Avengers initiative, there had been a heavy displacement weighing on you.

Before Peter, you were isolated by your youth. It was hard for any one of the trained combatants on your team to visualize where your priorities were at. Bucky and Steve were nearly centenarian aged super soldiers. Natasha was raised in a hell house founded on the principle of ballet and assassination, Banner had anger issues that partnered threateningly with yours, and every other member of the invincible team had no idea how to handle a teenage girl with a millionaire father who wears an iron suit for a living during the worlds worst alien invasions. That was until Peter came along.

Before him, about the only thing that could ever bring a smile to your face was the holiday season. The hours spent training lessened, school let out for a few weeks, and when Wanda joined your dysfunctional found family after Sokovia, she spent hours in the kitchen sharing with you and the others some of her favorite seasonal sweets. This year none of that seemed to have stayed the same:

There was no twenty foot tree imported from France, no argument from Steve to train, and although you still had cookies from Wanda, they weren't the same without Natasha, who always broke hers in half to split with you. Your father's sacrifice to save the universe had assigned the Avengers to this earth, giving you battle instead of mistletoe. A war instead of the opportunity to grieve.

"Are you listening to me?"

May and Happy had taken you in days after you said goodbye for the last time. Pepper had understood. Your entire world had changed, and you didn't have a place for her and Morgan in the reformed version just yet. It sounded horrible, and it made you feel even worse, but you had lost three significant figures within days. Nothing felt like it belonged anymore. Nothing but Peter.

It took you months of laying around his Queens apartment, refusing anything that wasn't Happy's famous deli sandwiches or Peter's cuddles, before you could brave the remaining members of your father (and Fury's) select team. Everyday felt heavy again, even with Peter's company.

Your team, if you could even call them as much anymore, had been forced to watch you retire into the shell of an exuberant hero. It was like the calamitous days prior to Peter, when nobody but your internalized darkness would see you for stretches of days at a time. Your boyfriend had never understood why Tony thanked him so religiously, but seeing you now, like this, so disassociated with the continuing world around you, he understood.

"Baby."

The Avengers, if you could even call yourselves as much anymore, had become earth's mightiest babysitters. At any minor inconvenience s.h.i.e.l.d called you into action without any disposition towards your recent losses and hardships. Just like right now. The night before Christmas Eve, and the bastards up at HQ had felt it necessary to pull you away from your humanity over a few misplaced bio-tech weapons. The situation was entirely approachable by any trained strike team, and yet they sent you out into the snow anyways.

"Y/N, are you listening?" Peter slips his pointer finger beneath your chin, tilting your head up so your eyes are level to his stare. His body is burning up with worry, the heat of his touch creating a fire in your lower belly. Involuntarily you shiver with a desirable urge to look away from his chocolate gaze and instead return your focus to the monologue of memories overworking your thoughts.