marvel oneshots

romanoff | all you knownis green ( a )

summary - there are more colors than just green. it's time that you finally learn them.

word count - 0.6k

the second part of when the wind blows in october

She hadn't changed. Not really. She was still hard. She was still kind. She was still stubborn. She still made your heart clench. She was still her. Her. Natasha Romanoff. She was here. Here. New York City. You had found her. Or maybe she found you. Didn't matter. Her green eyes were looking at you again. For the first time in twenty one years you didn't resent how beautiful green eyes are.

Your heart is beating, you know that much. Are you breathing? You don't know. You can't tell which way is up, or which is left. You don't know if the sky is blue. All you know is green. Green. Red. Black. She's wearing so little colors. She never used to be that way. She was always so full of color, of light. Red hair. Green eyes. Tight frown. Oh god, she's frowning. Her eyes are watering. Natasha Romanoff is the hardest woman in the world to break and just the sight of you has crushed her. You. Her. Seven and nine. That's how old you had been. You were seven. She was nine. Everything was easier back then. Back when she was only Natasha who was never going to leave. Natasha who made you feel like you lived on a frayed telephone wire in the rain. Electric. Natasha was electric. She still is.

"I looked for you." Maybe it's been ten minutes. Maybe it's been three. You have no idea. Your throat is tight. Your eyes burn. The room is getting smaller. The floor is burning your feet. Your clothes itch. They're heavy. Natasha's green eyes keep looking at you. She doesn't look away. She doesn't blink. She doesn't divert her attention from your pain stricken gaze that hurts her worse than any abuse she's sheltered. Do you know what she does? Natasha Romanoff flinches. She cries. Tears like rivers down her cheeks, sobs like avalanches. She breaks. You break her.

It's too much to look at her. You can't bear the sight of her trembling shoulders and bleeding green eyes. "T-That next morning. I went- I went to- I knocked on your door. I sat on your front step for hours. You just left. Just gone." You're right in front of her now. Your breath hits her skin. Hot. It's hot. She's hot. She's burning up. You're dying; or at least it feels like you are. Why did you want this? Why had you wanted this for so long? You can't breathe.

"I didn't want to." Her voice. It's soft. It's deep. It's so different. She's so different. Everything is so different. Twenty one years. You have to remind yourself that it's been twenty one years. You're not seven anymore. She's not nine. "Believe me I didn't want to."

"But you did." The words hurt. Everything hurts. Your head, your heart. Seven and nine. So much has changed. Nothing has changed. She's still Natasha. She's still your first love. She's still causing you so much pain. "Whether you wanted to or not. You left. And I should've let you leave."

After so many years waiting, wanting, you turn away from Natasha Romanoff. This isn't Ohio. You aren't seven. You hear her sob. You feel your heartbreak. You wanted this for so long. The floor betrays you as you continue to the door. You want it to swallow you whole. It doesn't. Nothing happens. Nothing changes. Nothing except everything. You found her. You found the woman who made your entire life. It's your turn to leave. You have to let her go. She was okay without you for twenty one years. You know that she'll be okay again. And so will you. One day, you will be okay.

All you've ever known is green. There are more colors than just green. There are more colors than just her.