marvel oneshots

wandanat | fell swoop ( h/c )

summary - after wanda, it feels like the only thing you're capable of being is angry. but for natasha, it feels like she's lost both her partners in one fell swoop

word count - 0.8k

You were angry at the world. What reason did it have to take everything from you? To strip you of the family you'd found and the friends you'd loved? How could it leave you in the ruins of your romance only to feel your heart bleed in her absence?

It wasn't fair to Natasha. Your remaining girlfriend. But since the snap, since Wanda, you were a shell of yourself. Natasha had changed too, but nowhere near the state of you. It worried her. You couldn't sleep in bed with her anymore, you couldn't sleep period. Any time you closed your eyes the reflection of Wanda turning to dust haunted you. It chilled your bones so cool you were curious if they'd become brittle enough to wither away like she had. You wished they would. You prayed to a god that you didn't believe in to leave this fucked up world behind without being the one to wield the blade.

You couldn't leave Natasha though, some part of yourself, buried deep behind your anger, knew that. You loved her first. Before Wanda found herself into your dynamic, it had only been you and Tasha against the world, you needed her all the same as you did then, but now something felt off. Something felt eternally changed. You wanted to care for her, to hold her in bed when she cried like you knew she did, but all you could feel was a blinding rage that brought you back to the feelings you tried so hard to escape as a teenager.

Natasha had had enough of your elusiveness. You shrugged away from her embrace when she came up beside you, shut down conversations faster than she could build them, snapped when she just wanted to feel like she wasn't as alone as she felt. You'd been a horrible partner, but she could understand. She just couldn't let it tear you apart any longer.

"Malysh." She started, learning her slim body against the kitchen door frame to stop your retreat back to the guest room. Her arms were crossed across her belly, pushing her boobs up and together in what was, Wanda's favorite black tanktop. Your heart sank to your feet, a lump formed in your throat. The world became blurry with salty tears you'd been keeping at bay for hours, but you knew, that if she were here, if she were standing in the golden light of sunset in the kitchen with you and Natasha had walked in like that... you knew it would only be minutes before the three of you were tangled limbs in a sweaty bed. Now, not even a spark of desire lit the flame in your belly. Now all you wanted was for the ground to swallow you hole. "Look at me. Don't leave. Malysh."

"Let me pass." Your words were calculated, hard. They were sharp enough to cut her, but they didn't. Not when she could see the ocean in your eyes ready to fall over the edge and the quiver in your chin like a terrified bunny. You were never really as mean as you tried to come off. You were her soft girl, her sensitive partner, the fraction of your trio that cried of the slightest thing. Wanda had said she wanted to bubble wrap your heart and protect it forever, how would she feeling knowing she's the one who broke it.

"Solnishko." Natasha dared to step closer, to break the routine she'd allowed you to create of just backing down for the sake of giving you space. She couldn't give you space anymore. She took the bowl of pasta from your hands, set it on the island, and pinned you so close between her body and the countertop that you could feel her heart beating. "I know that you're hurting. I know that you're angry. I am too. But you can't live like this. Let your anger run its course but don't let it eat away those feelings you're using it to hide. Come back to me. Talk to me. Be mad about it with me. Let me hold you in bed, and wash your hair in the shower. We lost her, I know how much that hurts angel and no amount of time will ever fix that hurt. But, I lost you and her all in one day." The oceans that were in your eyes spilled over your cheeks like a waterfall, and that was all it took to break you entirely. Everything you'd been holding in since you'd watched the love of your life turn to dust poured out of you in pathetic sobs and whimpers, and yet Natasha held you through it all.

For the first time since the Avengers won and you lost, you allowed yourself to feel the grief and sadness that your anger had suppressed. In Natasha's arms, the smallest piece of your heart started to beat again.