marvel oneshots

romanoff | matilda ( f )

summary - you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up.

word count - 0.8k

Natasha Romanoff is the strongest woman in your life, and she'd say that you're the strongest in hers.

When she was just a new recruit at SHIELD under Agent Barton's guidance, a high clearance ops team took down your parents in a high stake shootout. You had known Natasha for not even three days when Maria and Nick came to you, informing you that after fifteen years of always looking over your shoulder in both fear and misplaced shame, your biological parents were dead and the bodies waited for you in the morgue.

You didn't move for probably an hour, seeing only black and hearing only static, feeling like you were suffocated in your own body. When you tried to get up, your knees buckled beneath your weight and the aching wails started. You pulled your knees up to your chest, letting your head fall into your hands to muffle the cries. That's how Natasha found you, completely broken down on the floor of your office, curled into yourself, shaking like a leaf in a storm. You had expected her to leave you like that. She didn't owe it to anyone to console you. But, she didn't and she did. She sunk to the floor beside you, and she didn't let you be alone with your grief until she was sure it wouldn't eat you alive.

That day started a beautiful relationship that became your safe place to land.

Natasha Romanoff wore many titles and even more masks. She was never the same person in a different room, always playing to who she needed to be for the circumstance; to better the team. At the end of the day, when it was you and her in bed, no longer playing spies and working as a team to save lives, Natasha lets you see her. She lets you see how she is the sweetest, most sensitive, most genuinely kind-hearted soul. She's easily the best person you know, and an even better best friend and partner. You wish you would've noticed her pulling away sooner.

The apartment was quiet when you came in from your mission debrief with Hill. The lights were low, Natasha's perfume lingering in the doorway. She left on a mission in Budapest with Barton three days ago, the specific details under lock and key. When you were away from her, it was harder to sleep easily at night, anticipating the worst. Natasha is the best in the business, but it's your job to worry about her coming home in one piece. It brings you back to all those years ago when you were still living beneath your parents' regime. The Hydra scientists that experimented on their own daughter, the scientists that locked you up in a cage like an animal and promised you would never be away from them for long. Missing her, worrying about her, loving her, felt a lot like looking over your shoulder for the next shoe to drop. Natasha was the one person you couldn't think about losing to this lifestyle.

She came home ten days later a shell of the woman she was. It would be months before she told you what happened. Until one night in bed, sweaty limbs and damp sheets tangled together, you had been living with a shadow of the woman you love wishing she'd come back to you.

"You should hate me." She whispered shamefully into your hair. Even sweaty and exhausted, she still smelled like home. Her arms still felt like home after months of pushing you away.

You frowned, looking up into her deep green eyes that were almost black from guilt. It broke your heart to see your strong girl so fragile. Natasha was sensitive, she took things personally, it was your favorite thing about her, but you'd never seen her like this. "Why would I hate you?"

"I've done horrible things." She whimpered, harshly wiping hot tears from her cheeks as they escaped her eyes. You frowned, batting her hands away from her eyes and wiping the pads of your thumbs against her soft cheeks. A sob broke the flood gates, "I left my sister there. I didn't even look back. A-And I tried to make it right with Clint in Budapest. T-Tried to really set things right. I j-just added more red. Tried to wipe it out and just added more."

You frowned, twisting a strand of red hair away from her face. She never talked about her past like this, in a way that made you think she was still living in those memories. Your hands caressed her cheeks, sticky from sweat and tears, you didn't mind. Searching her eyes, your lips hovered above hers, tendrils of hot breath tickling her cupid's bow. "You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up."