Ten Things One Thing || Aaron Burr

Number One. (Aaron Burr)

Day One:

It's not guilt that makes me throw up.
It's that I can't breathe.

Dead.
DEAD.
Dead.
DEAD.

He's dead because of me.
I tear out of the bathroom and step into my bedroom and scream an ugly, hateful scream.
I tear my wig off.
I tear my hair out.

My maid tries to say something but I slam the door in her face.

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"Forgive me."
"WAIT!"

Or did I have it backwards?

Right.

I yelled and then he begged forgiveness.

STUIPD HAMILTON! BEGGING ONCE HE WAS ALREADY DOOMED!

What more is there left to do but wait.

Wait until they come for me.
Angelica Church.
Elizabeth, who would inquire after my wife and daughter.

The news. Everyone.

I'm done.
He's done.
He's dead.

And he's probably not even cold yet.

I stare in the mirror at my haggard reflection.

The only thing I can do is shatter it with my fist.

Month one:

Louisiana is the only place I think I can go.

Theo is married.
The entire town of New York hates me.

Didn't they hate....
Him, too, though?

Shows you how much people are hypocrites.

I should probably replace the mirror in my room and apologize to my maid.

I should visit my wife and... him.

I should probably give a generous amount of money or something to the Hamiltons.

I should probably do a lot of things.

Jefferson and James Madison are...
Unsure what to make of me.

They revere me for being able to...
Oh god...

And then they hate my politics.

I sigh as I put my quill down on my desk.
The one he gave me for my birthday.

I have so much work to do...

Year One:

Some times I can smile.

Sometimes my woes are left behind in brief reprieves of calm.
Louisiana is beautiful, muggy, warm, and full of bugs.

But it is what it is.

Sometimes I'll be up early enough to smile at the sunrise like he did that fateful morning.
What was it, a year ago now? How depressing.

Sometimes I can sing to the sun rise, imagining he could hear it.
Just random words set to old tunes. Nothing special but enough for Alex, I suppose.

"Death doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes.
And here I stand anyway,
Now I can see why,
Why you raised your gun at the sky."
He was Alex Hamilton!
Maybe he had a beef with the sky more than me!

"But if theres a reason, I haven't died, when this past year all I've done is cried then I'm willing to wait for it,
I'm willing to wait for you."

"But are you willing to wait for me?"

Sometimes there are good days.

Some nights there are no dreams.

Some nights he stands in front of me with an understanding smile and blood running from his mouth down his chin, dripping on the wooden floors of the bar where we first had a drink.

Some nights he does that, and whispers to me, "Aaron, forgive me." And then he is gone.

(Part 2 next week.)