Battleground | Criminal Minds (gxg)

Chapter 23

Elle's POV

I take a deep breath as the doors slide open on the sixth floor. On my way up, a few agents greeted me with wide smiles and firm handshakes. Apparently, Strauss buried the incident with Lee, and I'm back to being the agent from the team.

I roll my shoulders, my harness in place beneath my jacket. My new badge is clipped to the right strap, my gun tucked securely into the left. I push through the doors of the bullpen. Reid glances up from his desk and gives me a small smile. I return it gratefully as I take a seat. It's tense, to say the least. Morgan gives me a head nod. Carli doesn't even acknowledge my presence.

Which means she read the letter.

I wrote that message months ago, when I thought the best thing I could do for Carli was to help her move on. Because back then, I honestly didn't know if I would ever see her again. But now I'm back, and she's right there, and she thinks I don't love her anymore.

Maybe she's right. Maybe my feelings aren't what they used to be. And yet, my hand finds itself at the necklace hanging on my chest, rubbing the sun charm between my fingers and memories of Carli flooding my mind.

I try to forget about it for the time being as I get situated. I don't have much with me, and my desk is empty of case files. JJ will stop by with a stack. I take a sip at my coffee cup and wait for the caffeine to kick in.

I'm exhausted. Do you know how hard it is to find an apartment in DC with a few days notice? Hard. Very, very hard. I spent yesterday driving to and from New York, my car loaded with my belongings. I got home around midnight and crashed on the couch instead of bothering to unpack anything. This morning I dug around for some work clothes and the coffee machine.

And to make matters worse, I've been stressing about Carli and my feelings for her. If I have feelings for her. I'm so lost and confused when it comes to her. She clearly wants nothing to do with me, and yet whenever our eyes lock it's like she's using all her willpower to stay away.

Last Wednesday, when we were at the unsub's house, I thought for a moment that she was going to let me in. I remember her arm wrapped tight around my waist, her body shielding mine.

We got lucky when Morgan shot first. If he hadn't, Carli would have taken the bullet for me. She was wearing a vest, yes, but so was I. I would've been fine either way. And still, she tried to keep me safe.

I don't know if it's anything special or because Carli's the kind of person to jump in front of a bullet for just about anyone. But that night, when Strauss mentioned past promises, she told me to ask Carli about it. Seeing as she's avoiding me, I haven't gotten the chance. But what the hell does that mean? Is Carli the real reason they offered me the job? Why would she do that?

I'm pulled from my thoughts as JJ drops a stack of files on my desk. "Welcome back," she says with a smile.

I drag the pile towards me and arrange them on my desk. "Thanks, JJ."

"Yeah." She stops talking but doesn't step away. I look up and she glances over her shoulder at Carli. I sigh as she leans in closer. "Have you two talked?"

Oh, we talked. And hugged, and almost kissed. Or at least, I wanted to kiss her. But instead, I told her to read a letter that blatantly says I don't love you anymore.

"Kinda. I think she's avoiding me," I mumble.

"Can you blame her?"

"No, I can't." I sigh in defeat and look down at my hands. JJ pats my shoulder before walking away.

Once she's gone I glance towards Carli. Once again, she's not sparing me a second glance. She leans on one elbow, her fingers massaging her temple. I frown to myself. She must have a headache. I try to read her expression but all I can see is that she's tired. I know she's hurting, and I know I'm the reason. And I don't know how to help her.