Battleground | Criminal Minds (gxg)

Chapter 28

Carli's POV

Elle starts crying. Soft, slow tears. Silent. Heartbreaking.

I turn my back on her and walk away. And I don't stop. I walk away from the roundtable, from the bullpen, and into the stairwell. I walk to the tenth floor. And it's not enough, so I walk all the way down to the first. And I leave the stairwell, and walk down the hallway towards the gym. It's the middle of the day, and only two other people are here.

I find my favorite punching bag. I strip off my leather jacket and toss it onto the bench. And I start punching.

I hit, and hit, and hit. My knuckles sting and my legs are tired and my mind doesn't work. So I keep hitting. Because my body knows how to do that without using my mind.

You are not the only bad thing that's happened to me.

I'm bad. I'm bad for her. I'm part of the reason she's crying upstairs.

You are not the only bad thing that's happened to me.

There's something else. There's another reason that isn't me. Something worse than me, and everything I've done to her.

I keep punching, and hitting, and striking.

And then it hits me in the face like a solid hook punch.

My hands fall to my sides and I stumble to the bench, falling back into the wall. I hold my head in my hands, panting, my mind fitting the pieces together.

Something worse than me... her past in Sex Crimes... serial rape case... the man she killed was a serial rapist, but the man who shot her wasn't... but she knows... she knows.

She knows.

My phone rings. I dig around in the pockets of my jacket before I find it and bring it to my ear.

"D'angelo," I answer.

"I need you in my office in five minutes if you don't want to be expelled." Hotch's voice is cold. Scarier than I've ever heard it.

He doesn't wait for a response before hanging up.

I pull my jacket on and tuck my phone back into my pocket. I take the elevator this time, because I think I might fall down the stairs.

When did it happen? Where? How old was she? How bad was it?

I'm angry. At the world. At myself. At the man that touched her against her will.

She's been struggling with this case all day, and I only made it worse. I only hurt more.

And she's right. She's completely right.

I'm bad for her.

When I enter the bullpen, Morgan approaches me and I can't tell if he's worried or angry. "What did you do?" he hisses.

I glance over my shoulder to see Elle and Reid in the conference room. She's not crying anymore.

"Tell her I'm sorry," I whisper.

Morgan shakes his head. "Tell her yourself."

He gives my shoulder a squeeze and I head for Hotch's office. I enter and close the door behind me. The blinds are already closed.

"Sit." I don't hesitate to follow orders.

Hotch comes around the desk and leans back against it, right in front of me. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

I can't meet his eyes. "I am."

"I told her to go home, but she refused."

Of course she did. She won't give in that easily.