ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜɪᴍ

break downs ➪ ch. 1

her alarm went off. nini always set her alarm for six sharp. she had her whole day planned. brush her teeth, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast. nothing too special. she turned off her alarm and forced herself out of bed. she was not excited until she realized what today was. the first day of senior year! oh how she longed for this day. but there was a problem. she was missing something, more like someone. ricky. they broke up nearly a year ago, she still missed him dearly. but there was a bigger problem. she's dating ej caswell. she felt awful because she didn't love him. even after a year, her feelings for ricky haven't changed. they broke up shortly after his parents' divorce because he was scared to love. they made him give up. she tried not to think about it. she made her way downstairs after getting dressed. successfully avoiding any conversation with her family. she ate and said bye. she was sad and happy. the girl started driving listening to "little things" by one direction. she would always listen to them because they reminded her of him. her bubbs. her person. but much like the band. he slipped through her fingers. she missed him, she'd started sobbing. wiping her eyes while driving.

✈︎ғʟᴀsʜʙᴀᴄᴋ, 8 ᴍᴏɴᴛʜs ᴀɢᴏ✈︎

it was three in the morning. the two teens were driving to who knows where. they were singing "little things"- actually, belting at the top of their lungs, while giggling. windows down and all.

"𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑅 𝐻𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐹𝐼𝑇𝑆 𝐼𝑁 𝑀𝐼𝑁𝐸 𝐿𝐼𝐾𝐸 𝐼𝑇𝑆 𝑀𝐴𝐷𝐸 𝐽𝑈𝑆𝑇 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝑀𝐸 𝐵𝑈𝑇 𝐵𝐸𝐴𝑅 𝑇𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝑀𝐼𝑁𝐷 𝐼𝑇 𝑊𝐴𝑆 𝑀𝐸𝐴𝑁𝑇 𝑇𝑂 𝐵𝐸 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐼𝑀 𝐽𝑂𝐼𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝑈𝑃 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐷𝑂𝑇 𝑊𝐼𝑇𝐻 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐹𝑅𝐸𝐶𝐾𝐿𝐸𝑆 𝑂𝑁 𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑅 𝐶𝐻𝐸𝐸𝐾𝑆 𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐼𝑇 𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑀𝐴𝐾𝐸𝑆 𝑆𝐸𝑁𝑆𝐸 𝑇𝑂 𝑀𝐸"

they sang not caring who heard. as the song was coming to an end the girl faced her love, "us forever, nothing can change that, right?" she asked uncertainty clear in her voice. "nothing" he reassured her. he took her hand and they stayed up all night together.

✈︎ғʟᴀsʜʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏᴠᴇʀ✈︎

it made her cry more thinking of it. forever. that word is stupid. he said forever. she trusted him with everything in her. how dumb could she have been? nothing lasts forever. but she knew deep down that if he ever asked for her forgiveness, there was no way she could say no. and she hated herself for that. no one actually knew how bad she was really doing, her friends knew, vaguely. but it hurt, it hurt so bad. everyday. and the pain just doesn't seem to go away. today, for some reason. it hurt particularly more than usual. her thoughts stopped as she pulled up to the school. she usually had a napkin of some sort since she often had brake downs like this ones, especially in her car. but the one time she cried extra hard, she'd forgotten it. she sighed and wiped her tears using her burgundy sweater. she reapplied her lipgloss and walked into east high. she met up with her friends by her locker. "ahhh, nini!" kourtney squealed hugging her friend. "it's so good to see you guys!" she said trying to cover up the fact that she was crying only minutes before. they caught up a bit before going to class.

♫ʟᴜɴᴄʜ♫

nini was sitting by herself while her friends got their food. she had a heavy breakfast so she settled for a banana as lunch, plus the crying from earlier really took it out of her. she wasn't eating it though, because she was too busy totally drooling over ricky. watching his every move. every detail. she hated to see him with aLiSoN, also known as alice. they'd been together six months. and that's six months of nini crying herself to sleep every night for letting him slip away. but they seemed happy. she was happy something in his life was going good. especially since his parents still fight. even after the divorce. he looked a bit hurt for some reason. she didn't know why, but all she wanted to do was attack his face with kisses and tell him everything was gonna be ok. she was looking at him passionately with obvious heart eyes when she heard someone call her name. "nini! nini! hellooo!" her friends called out trying to get her attention. they all sat down next to her. "honey close your mouth, there's gonna be a flood" he said sipping his drink. "what?" she said still only paying attention to ricky. "earth to nini!" ashlyn said trying to get her attention. "oh, hey guys!" she said finally acknowledging her friends. "was i staring?" she asked concerned. "full on heart eyes" gina said laughing. "that's not funny!" she put her head on the table. she felt a tap on her shoulder. she looked up to see ej. "can we talk? in private" he said looking at the girl's friends. "of course" she said getting up. they made their way to the hall. that was empty because everyone was either in class or at lunch. "i met someone... over the summer" she was shocked. "i think we should break this off, nini. im sorry" she wasn't completely saddened considering her feelings for ricky were still strongly there. "yeah that's- it's probably for the best" she said in a bit of disbelief but still smiling. yep, definitely not sad. "you're a great person, this has nothing to do with you. we're friends" he smiled. "yes of course, ej" she laughed. he hugged her and whispered. "plus, i see the way you look at him, get him before it's too late" she turned red and swatted his arm, making him laugh. they both went there separate ways, back to the cafeteria. "what happened?" ashlyn asked as nini sat. "we're over" she said sitting down. "that's good you can finally get ricky back" carlos said looking her in the eye. she went wide eyed. "he's not wrong" kourtney shrugged. "i am totally over ricky for your information" she said in a highly unconvincing tone. "sure" they all said in unison.

♫ʟᴀsᴛ ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅ♫

nini's been off since lunch. so much had happened in the last year and a half. no one noticed she was zoned out because none of her friends were in her afternoon classes. the difference is, ricky is in this class. he walked in the class and ironically enough the only seat left was the one next to nini's. she was staring at the desk blankly when ricky started talking to her. "hey you ok? you seem kinda off" he whispered not to get in trouble. "what? oh, yeah.. i'm- im fine" she said taking a glance at him. "you sure? cause if your not i'm always here to-" "im fine! ricky!" she screamed. the whole class turing their heads to face the two. right there, is when she couldn't take it anymore.she ran out of the classroom leaving her things behind. nini didn't make past a classroom when she hid away in an almost empty storage closet. ironically it was the same one her and ricky would meet up in between classes. she only cried harder realizing. why did the person she cared for most leave? why her of all people? she could usually keep it together at school but not today. all of a sudden she heard the door open. great. just what she needed, someone to walk in on her crying. when she looked up she was utterly shocked, confused and embarrassed.
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(word count: 1255) hey! hope u enjoyed. don't forget to comment and vote !! 👽💜