Silvanna Snape {Marauders}

Chapter Forty-Nine

RIP to Helen McCrory. An amazing actress who will always hold a special place in my heart. I know how much she meant to this fandom, and to all the young girls - myself included - who have had someone as wonderful as her to look up to. My thoughts are with her family and friends 💚

Silvanna hated her dad. Really, really hated him. She'd received six more letters from Remus these last two weeks, along with one from James (tell Evans I love her), and one from Mrs Lupin. And Silvanna couldn't reply to a single one. She'd tried to sneak a letter away with her mum's owl, explaining herself, only to find it locked in its cage.

It was the fourth week of the summer holidays now, and while she could escape for a few hours everyday at work, it still didn't take change the fact that she had to go home at the end of it. And this most recent letter was the worst.

To Silvanna,

I don't know why you aren't replying, and I really hope you're okay. I'm sorry if I've upset you, but I'll be honest, I really don't know what I've done. My mum says I might have said something and didn't know it was upsetting. Please just tell me what it is so I can put it right, I really miss you.

Next week's the full moon again, but after that I'm going to James's until term starts. Owls will still reach me there, I promise, and Mum says to tell you that they're only a letter away and they can come and pick you up, even if I'm not here. You're always welcome, you know that. I'm really sorry again,

With love,

Remus

  Silvanna had bawled like a baby when she first read it, and now, three days later, she was shaking with sobs as she sat in bed, reading it again. She just wanted her friends back. She hated feeling so alone. And something was wrong with her mum, she knew it. She'd hardly said two words to the twins the whole time they'd been home. She just nodded and shook her head. Silvanna just wanted someone to talk to.

She was so fucking sick of it all. It wasn't fair. She hated it so much. She had the urge to do something terrible.

She knew it was very late at night. because her dad had returned from the pub hours ago and now the house was silent. Avoiding the creaking floorboards, she went into the kitchen and took a large pair of scissors. She went into the bathroom, using her wand light to ignite it. They weren't supposed to run up the electricity bill.

She looked at herself in the mirror, her tear-stained face ignited by the gloom. She held the scissors up, right up to her neck, and just below her jaw. She squeezed them.

Her hair fell into the sink, looking like a sheet of paper drifting down against the air. She cut again. And again. And again. All the way around her head until she was sure it was even the whole way around.

Silvanna frowned. Now she just looked like her brother. She gathered the front of her hair forward, just a little bit, and cut that even shorter. She cut some more shorter bits around her face, so that they framed it. Like when the girls at school pulled strands out their ponytails, except this was her whole haircut.

It looked...nice. It distracted from her nose a bit better. And Mary had said she had good bone structure - she thought the short hair suited that. The fringe covered up all those ugly spots she had on her forehead. She definitely didn't look like Severus anymore. She looked even less like him. She loved it.

Sniffing and smiling to herself, Silvanna gathered up as much of her hair as possible, taking it downstairs and putting it in the bin. She silently washed the scissors, before putting them away and heading back upstairs, to bed.

*****

The next day, Jim walked her home as usual. He looked very pleased about something and kept smiling at her. "What?" she asked eventually.

"You changed your hair," he pointed out, still smiling. "Looks nice."

"Didn't do it for you," she mumbled to herself, smiling all the same. Jim laughed at her. Apparently he found her bitter comments highly amusing.

"Silvanna!" Lily was rushing down the road towards her, red hair billowing out behind her. "Oh, hello, Jim."

"Hi," said Jim. "You went to the Crowpot Primary, didn't you?"

"Yeah, my name's Lily," she said, a faint frown forming in her face. "My sister Petunia's in your year at school."

"Oh yeah, of course," said Jim. "How come you don't go there?"

"Lily's a scholarship student at my school," said Silvanna quickly. Thank Merlin Lily was smart enough to catch on.

"Clever clogs," Jim teased. "I'll leave you to it then?"

"Thanks, Jim," Silvanna said with a small smile. "See you tomorrow."

"See you," he said with a wave, already retreating. "Bye Lily."

Once he was safely out the way, Lily turned to Silvanna. "How'd you know Jim?" she asked.

"I've started working in his Mum's shop," Silvanna explained. "Get me out the house, maybe I can go to Hogsmeade and enjoy it for once..." She trailed off, looking at Lily, who'd bit her lip. "James sends his love."

"Don't mention that arrogant pig to me," said Lily with a scowl, as they sat under Silvanna's tree in the field. "I like your hair, by the way."

"Thanks," said Silvanna, smoothing down her fringe absentmindedly.

"How's Severus?" Lily asked suddenly.

"I don't-"

"He's been acting funny," continued Lily, as though Silvanna had never opened her mouth. "Talking about all this halfblood-pureblood stuff as though anyone with any sense gives a toss. I 'spose it's this war. Did you hear about it?"

"Uh, yeah," said Silvanna, thinking with a pang back to what Remus had told her the summer before. That was something else she'd be investing in: a subscription to the Daily Prophet.

"Has he said anything to you?" asked Lily.

Silvanna let out a laugh. "He hates me, Lily!" she said, making Lily roll her eyes. "He hardly says two words to me these days. For some reason, at this very moment, the book he'd been reading the day they got back popped into her head.

Lily sighed, looking pained. "I need to get back," she said. "Tea's going to be ready..." she trailed off. Silvanna had never seen Lily look so troubled.

"I'll tell him you say hello," Silvanna promised, hoping to make her feel better. Lily looked up and smiled, although clearly it was forced.