Silvanna Snape {Marauders}

Chapter Ninety-Six

Short but sweet today. Well, I say sweet...you'll see ;)

Silvanna let out a groan and slumped back onto her bed, before promptly sitting back up again and sighing heavily. "What's up with you?" asked Mary.

"Bloody Runes," Silvanna snapped. "I can't do them and the exam's in two months."

"Oh, don't worry," said Mary. "I'm the same with Transfiguration. Can't do it to save my life."

"Does anyone else feel like they aren't doing enough?" Lily asked as she picked at the cover of her Charms textbook.

"Yes," chorused Mary and Silvanna, as Marlene and Louisa entered from the common room.

"Hi," said Marlene, more brightly than usual. There were various muttered returns of hello. "Shit, right, OK," Marlene carried on. Silvanna eyed her curiously, and Lily closed her book gently. "I need to tell you something."

"Ugh," said Louisa, slumping against her pillows elegantly. "You are not dating Sirius again, are you?"

"No," said Marlene slowly. "The opposite." There was a short pause while she gathered herself. Silvanna raised her eyebrows. "I - I'm - I have - have a girlfriend."

It was silent, save for a bang on the stairs. "Well, yeah," said Mary eventually. "Us."

"No," said Marlene. "Like, I was Sirius's girlfriend. Now I have one of those."

Quiet again. "Who is she?" asked Lily, her voice wavering a little bit.

"Dorcas Meadowes," said Marlene, squaring her shoulders slightly. "We've been dating since January."

"So that's where you keep going," said Mary. "I did wonder."

"If you've got any questions, I'm happy to answer them," said Marlene. "But please don't tell anyone. I just wanted you guys to know because you're my friends...and it's important to me."

"How d'you know?" asked Lily. "Couldn't you still meet a boy?"

"I guess," said Marlene. "But you could meet a girl." Lily nodded, her expression neutral. The silence came back.

"This is fine," said Louisa firmly. "You are happy. That matters."

"Thank you," Marlene said quietly.

"Yeah, as long as you're happy," said Mary, less firmly. Lily nodded along. "You haven't had a crush on us though?"

"Oh, no," said Marlene quickly. "No, none of you. That'd be silly."

"Charming," muttered Lily with a grin.

Marlene returned it, but her expression sharpened as she looked over at Silvanna. "Silvanna? What do you think? You haven't said anything."

In truth, Silvanna didn't know what to think. She had known about stuff like this - Jim said he sometimes fancied men. But that was different. He hadn't ever really done much. Marlene had a girlfriend.

"So you're gay?" Silvanna said, her tone uncomfortably challenging for her. She normally liked Marlene. She didn't like this. It was too disruptive.

Marlene hesitated. "Yes."

Silvanna nodded, processing it. Marlene was gay. Marlene had a girlfriend. Marlene said she didn't fancy her friends. Silvanna didn't know what she was supposed to do with this new bit of information. Why couldn't she have just kept it a secret, out of everyone's way?

"Right," Silvanna said eventually. She needed a bit more thinking time. Alone. "I'm going to bed."

*****

Silvanna didn't think she'd ever got up so early during her time at Hogwarts. But the next day, she didn't really want to talk to anyone except Remus, so she escaped the dorm while everyone else was asleep. The day went fine, she supposed. The week was relatively uneventful. Louisa didn't come to the library at all though, and Lily had cut down on her time there.

It was on Thursday she was confronted, before Gobstones. Marlene McKinnon found her way to the library, probably for the first time in five years. And pulled Silvanna outside, also for the first time in five years.

"What's wrong with you?" Marlene demanded, before Silvanna could protest.

"Nothing!" she defended. "What's wrong with you?"

"I thought you'd understand," Marlene hissed, eyes shining.

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Silvanna, frowning hard.

"You've been ignoring me," said Marlene. "After I told you something really difficult, you react like this."

"Well, sorry, for taking my time," snapped Silvanna. "It's a bit hard to process, to be completely honest."

"So imagine what it's like for me!" said Marlene  quickly. She looked like she might cry. The tip of her nose was red. The rain was pelting the window next to them. "You're supposed to be my friend! You were supposed to help me."

"I just don't get it," said Silvanna. "Why all of a sudden?"

"It's not all of a sudden," Marlene explained gently. "I've felt this way for a long time. Especially when Sirius didn't do it for me."

"I just think," Silvanna began, "You're fifteen. You've got your whole life - just because one boy didn't do it for you - I'm pretty sure that's normal."

"Normal?" asked Marlene, now looking more puzzled than anything. "Look, Silvanna. I know how I feel about Dorcas. And I know it feels great, and she's told me it's the same for her. And as my friend, I want you to respect this about me, so we can keep supporting each other. You know?"

Silvanna narrowed her eyes. "I'm not completely onboard..."

"I know," said Marlene. "And we'll talk about why that is another time. But right now, I need you, as my friend."

"OK," said Silvanna. She had an ugly, twisting feeling in her gut that she ignored. "OK."